'What made you start blogging?'

This one's for you A.A... and of course all others who are interested.

Initially, when i arrived to Afghanistan i had the initiative of creating a documentary which will be aired all over Australia. With the S.S's assistance, we managed to find sponsors. Universities were interested in screening the documentary prior to even seeing it.I had the contribution of Afghan journalists.

Unfortunately, i became occupied in other aspects of my life and the poor security situation restricted my movement.

I began typing my manuscript- a book in the process about an Afghan girl born and raised in Australia trying to integrate in the place she always considered 'home'- Afghanistan. I reached to great lengths. i figured i needed a more effective method, one that wasn't so time consuming.

One day while i was surfing the net, i came accross a blog kept buy an afghan guy who had visited Afghanistan. it was incredibly interesting. so i began keepign an online journal (normally, i keep a written journal). From then on, i began typing. kept an account of daily happenings. Eventually, my aim is to convert this blog into a book.

I also wanted to get the message out and accross, not to be too political but just an average person trying to get through life in Kabul. I know for a fact that if i came across a blog like this when abroad, i'll be extremely curious.

So here i am, months later still typing.

At times i procrastinated, i lagged behind, gave up hope. but it was my friends interest, the comments and emails sent by all you guys that kept me moving. I picked up.

Particularly, one comment left by Kaka B and his support over the phone kept me going. He is an absolute legend, (apart from my parents)he's helped me through the toughest times of my life. I owe him much gratitude. He looks up to me with such admiration and encouraged me when i felt i was breaking. He has always told me i wasn't a 'typical afghan girl'. to this very day, i believe i'm not (no disrespect to others).

Also, W.A occasional emails saying nothing more but 'shalgham, update your blog.'was enough to get me typing blog essays.

Hope that's answered your question.

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar.

An Afghan Photo Gallery

With all credits to James Hill for his spectacular works.

health update

Six months since my last check up, i was informed by our headquarters in Geneva that i need a medical examination prior to renewing my contract.

And so i did!

Results: All is well except kidney infection with high chance of stones. Nothing serious though, i'll just have a small operation and get it out.

The normal rate is 2-4 units, mine is TWENTY SIX!!! That explains why i get kidney aches, typical me... i ignore it.

I'm guessing it's because i eat and drink anything including tap water (yes, i have heard about the cats-in-the-tank myth).

I told W.A about it and this is how the conversation went. I couldn't stop laughing.

Me: The ______graphy will show whats going on. I can't remember the name coz the doc pronounced it way too Afghan.
W.A: fotooografee
Me: Lol, no i would have understood! I'd rather take the x ray pics myself with my digital camera. These docs have a 3 months MBBA bachelors.
W.A: Come on. Mate, the education system of Afg was soo hard that only 3% of the country could get an education.
Me: kadoo katee az ee gappet!
W.A: if your not smart enough, they kick you out of first grade.

Where to now? i have to get the _____graphy. do i trust the hospitals here?

I had a terrible day today! the medical results just worsened it. I was listening to the radio online and Natasha Bedingfield was singing Unwritten. Such an uplifting song, i used to put it up in my car everytime it came on. One of them songs u can sing along with.

It made me feel much better.

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar

Your questions, my answers.

This is me addressing you live from Kabul.

do you get feedback re your blog?
Yes, all the time! I get emails when i dont update it. I have recieved feedback from Afghans all over the globe thanking me and appreciating what i do. The pleasure is all mine!

Last item you bought:
8 Dvds (it takes me forever to watch it, i like buying em), bed sheet/covers, boots, a classy woolen coat (Qaraqol) it only cost me $400!, music cds, home theatre system for my room.

describe your fashion sense:
classy, chic, elegant and stylish... fashion comes and goes but style is forever. simplicity is elegance- i hate it when girls go overboard. yes, i do buy designer BUT in proportion- i budget my money well.

quantity or quality?
quality! i'd rather have a few genuines than a whole heap of fakes in all aspects of life.

describe your bedroom:
ummm... a neat wardrobe (yes i'm still the same old perfectionist!, my bed, dresser, side tables, my sofa set, home theatre system... what else am i to say? oh yeah and it's all classy!! lol i like interior designing!

your wardrobe:
neat, categorised!

how many pairs of shoes?
16. i just counted.hey, i have a sense of saving too. I manage my $$ well!

what are you wearing right now?
kalayeh afghani! jokes. i'm wearing my black designer suit and a grey shirt.

how's the weather?
chilly

whats in your handbag right now?
uff such detailed questions. ID card (in case i forget who i am lol), wallet, lipgloss, foundation, eyeliner, perfume- 'provocative woman', moisturiser, wet cleansing tissues, digital camera, flash drive, phone, chocolate. i have a special place for each item... yes i know i'm a perfectionist.

can't leave the house without...
my handbag and all the mentioned items. my bank card!!

how do ppl see you?
oh let me ask... lol. This is exactly whta A.A answered 'strong personality/character, classy, decisive, u know exactly what u want! loyal, faithful, decent, mature- REPUTATION,CONFIDENCE AND PRIDE lol remember that, u hold urself wit a lotta pride but ur also v down 2 earth. and u dont treat ppl bad but at the same time u wont tolerate being mistreated.you know wat ur worth!'

last person who emailed you?
A.B, dad, S.A, P.W.

three things you like doing...
1) laughing n quality conversation
2) shopping
3) quality time at home

three things that annoy you...
1) dumb ppl/ immaturity/ blondes
2) fake ppl
3) ppl with no manners (especially at the dining table!!)

last movie you watched...
Meet Joe Black- depiction of elegance.

ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar.

winter bliss

Last night: Parents went to visit a relative. Stayed home with my siblings, got them to complete their homework, put them in bed. then it was just me and the cold.

Lying in bed under three blankets with a Sidney Shelldon ('if tomorrow comes') novel and my phone. Playing sms ping pong with a friend. I drowned myself in the novel and let myself be absorbed by the aura.

Winter does have it's positives, i guess.

Pitch black Paghman

The black mountains of Paghman overshadowed us as the driver accelerated faster on the narrow road, swerving left and right avoiding oncoming traffic. My family picked me up after work and we went to Paghman. Yes i was freaking out. but at the same time, i felt it would be exciting. We had a great time!

Bought kebabs on the way, got there when it was dark, visited a relative. Returned home.

I'm not in the mood for subjective writing so u'll have to excuse me.

Got a medical check up done today, getting results later today. Been driving around in work vehicle all day which i hate coz it's like saying 'hey mr taliban, check me out. i work for your enemies, come and get me!' i'd rather catch cabs all day! okay, not really!

I found a new trick to avoid the stupid Afghan guards flirtation at the checkpoints. TALKING ENGLISH ON MY PHONE! it really works. i called a friend and started chatting, they checked my ID cards without saying a word!The US troops started a conversation with me in the middle of nowhere, so i was polite. They were really nice and asked if i wanted them to escort me out til my vehicle. I declined nicely but gave the afghan guards the 'dont ever mess with me again' look. I think they got the point.

Okies, back to work!

ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar.

H.A- i try to deter from politics as much as i can but it's the only interesting thing that happens here. How's the election campaign going? I read the debate transcript with Johnny Boy and Kevin Rudd. What are the polls showing? okay okay fine, no more politics. Your right about my blog being political i just scrolled down and saw the past few blogs have been all politics.

Empty

Rainy weather. Depressing music. Boring office atmosphere coz everyone had a fight (excluding me) so i'm stuck in the middle, tolerating boredom.

Weekend went great. Thursday- i got home and headed straight to work. My sisters paywaazi! I had a terrible stomach ache from eating roadside chapli kabab (thanks to my colleagues).

Friday- visited grandads burial site. then went on a family bbq with my sisters and my bro in laws. Evening went to a posh Turkish restaurant for dinner.

Saturday- took my sisters out shopping. we literally shopped til we dropped. Had lunch at an international Lebanese restaurant.i bought boots, DVDs, checked up on my tailor made coat (made of Qaraqol), bought a bed set. had an argument with the guard at the restaurant door for giving girls a hard time. he won't let em in until he flirts with them. so i gave him a piece of me. well not really, but i told his supervisor. My sisters and i were freaking out upon leaving. He's armed with a gun and we were paranoid that he'll shoot us in retaliation.

We weren't bothered waiting for the driver to pick us up so we decided to catch a taxi. Two taxis stopped, the first was a guy aged around 30. the second one was an elder guy aged around 50. i told my sister to go for the second taxi coz he's old and in case he decides to kidnap us (yes, i am paranoid) at least we can beat him out of the taxi and hijack it. S went to the first taxi leaving T and i debating about which one is the safer alternative. This is how it went:

ME: The younger one is harder to beat up if he decides to kidnap us, look at him.. he's so big and fat!

T: No, the younger one is more into contemporary living. look at him, you can tell he's anti-Taliban. He won't kidnap us! The old one looks like a Talib, look at his beard!

I reluctantly accepted the first option. Surprisingly, the driver was very 'normal'. he wouldnt stare in his rear view as other drivers would and he didnt attempt to converse. I felt alright until we got home. I told the driver to drop us off a few houses before ours (it's my 'safe' technique so that we don't give away our residential details). I handed him a 100 Afs note, he declined saying he didn't have change. I told him not to worry about it. he then responded by saying he's not a taxi driver! i was like WHAT? but i acted calm and cool. left the 100 Afs in the car seat. the second i shut the door of the taxi, i turned to my sister saying, I TOLD YOU SO, he was weird!i told them from this point on, i'm catching the cab!

LAter that night, i told my parents the story! mum laughed, dad explained the taxi situation. White are unregistered taxis (the one we got into) and yellows are official taxis.

Anyways, nearly time to go home. I need to wrap up.

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar.

Hear ye... Hear ye...

I couldn’t take it any more! My eyes became too wet to see, I dropped my head and waited for them to finish. Every pair of eyes in the room told a dreadful story, a horrific past. yet they continue to smile, this was only a fraction of kabuls poor and needy. Some of the children told their stories with no emotion. As if losing a parent was alright.

Suddenly, I realised why I was in Kabul. It was for children like them. how could I be so selfish and turn away from these faces. my moral conscience would’nt
allow it. Even if I did return to Australia, I’d be sure to leave something
behind and contribute somehitng.blockquote>

- From my speech which i delivered to prominent guests at 'Mahboba's Promise' hope house (orphanage)

Where are our educated Afghans? Your country is calling you, awaiting you, in need of you. In every Afghan childs weep, in every Afghan mothers tear, in every Afghan fathers quest... You are the answer!

Our Afghans abroad who were once respected engineers, doctors, professors, lawyers in their homes are now taxi drivers. Even a king away from home is a beggar.

Nothing is greater than the satisfaction one recieves from helping an outstretched hand. No feeling is greater than feeling an orphans hair run through your fingers.
No feeling is greater than wiping away the tears of a mother in search of her long missing son. No pain is stronger than the one which an orphan or a widow shares through their story. No smile is more genuine than the one on a poor womans face.

They continue to smile yet in every voice of every man, in every infants cry of fear, in every cry of every child. In ever voice I hear the cruelty of war, the unhealed wounds, the pain and sufferings...hoping and praying for a day to come.

- From my speech which i delivered to prominent guests at 'Mahboba's Promise' hope house (orphanage). When i got to this part of my speech, i couldnt hold back tears.

Ba omideh salamatee Afghanistan. Khuda negahdaar.

But for how long...?

I spoke about these people with President Hamid Karzai, during a luncheon in Kabul. He told me that Afghanistan would welcome any Afghan who wants to return home. It was an honorable position to take. But historically, even in the far more stable era of royalty, the central Afghan government has never been able to provide adequately for its people. Today, the country is still recovering from a 30-year nightmare of war, famine, drought, displacement and massive human suffering. By all indications, the government is overwhelmed with the task of providing even basic services, and does not have the capacity to absorb the millions of Afghans who have come back. In the villages that I visited, the presence of the government was simply not palpable, severely testing the self-sufficiency in which Afghans take so much pride
- Khaled Hosseini

A single death - a tragedy; a million - a mere statistic

In Paktika Province, a young man, whose chest was wrapped with an explosive vest was en route to the place where he would detonate himself. But then, he saw people at prayer in a mosque, and he changed his mind. He went to the police. He began removing his explosive vest, but it went off. He alone was killed.

In Uruzgan Province, a young man, recently home from Pakistan where he had attended a religious school, announced a similar intention to his family. He was going to kill the enemy by killing himself. The article said that he handed over $3,600, presumably a reward for what he was about to do. In front of his mother, brother and two sisters, he displayed his explosive vest. The young man's mother was horrified, and she immediately tried to remove the vest from his body. The bomb detonated. The young man, his mother, and his three siblings were killed instantly.

Ambivalence and fear surely accompany each bomber on the way to destruction; anguish and dread must fill the hearts of their family members, if they know ahead of time. After the fact, grief must anchor every feeling.

I think of that mother. What was the meaning of her life if not the well-being of her children? What could be worse than the death of one's children by one's child? As the mother saw the suicide vest on her son, and as she then tried to wrestle it off, how could she not have been screaming inside, "Who did this to my child?"
I think of the siblings, witnessing the horror unfolding before them. How helpless they must have felt, with their last glance fixed on a violation of all they had been taught to love and value. I think of that first bomber, who, en route to killing, accidentally caught a glimpse of worship, which is nothing but the wish to affirm life, which is another name for God. I think of the bomb masters, who recruited those boys, manipulated them, tricked them into imagining that death could be an affirmation. And I think of those who created the situation within which all of this unfolds.

President George W. Bush tells us that, if we don't defuse the regional body vest carefully, World War III will start. There it is. Bush himself acknowledging at last what, under his leadership, the United States has done. We have put an explosive vest on Earth itself.

And now our job is to get it off. The revelation here is that, in the new age, every bomber is a suicide bomber.

Afg refutes Israel! Go Afg... :)

This incident made my heart weep. I was only 14 when i found out. But the repercussion was enormous. i became deeply interested in the Middle East crisis, researching, reading, exploring, analysing from every angle (religiously, politically and historically) the palestinian cause became my one and only passion for the next years of my life (and it still is). I traced Jerusalem all the way back to Being an adolescent, i created a 2m x 2m israeli flag to burn at protests. i wore a green kalimah bandanna and carried banners in demonstrations, chanting pro palestine slogans in Arabic. i presented heartfelt speeches which made ppl cry in front of thousands, wrote letters to the gov't. I defended the palestinians in debates against pro-Israeli Zionists. I was out there, doing what i could while other teenagers felt crazy 'in love'. i was in love too, with the palestinian cause! At times, i cried but over all, it made me strong enough to deal with where i am today- Kabul.

I have felt for the Palestinian cause for as long as i can remember- even more than for Afg. Perhaps because i saw Afghans fighting Afghans, Muslims fighting their own. so it made no sense to me. the middle east crisis was different. Spoken out against the oppression imposed by Zionists. I hold nothing against Jews or Judaism, it's Zionism and it's followers which i resent with a passion!

Anyways, here's an article which made me proud of Afg :)

An official at Afghanistan's embassy in Germany has been replaced for inviting an Israeli diplomat to a function, a foreign ministry spokesman said on Tuesday.

“He was a political employee of the embassy and has been replaced because of inviting the Israeli diplomat,” said Sultan Ahmad Baheen.

Like the majority of Muslim countries, Afghanistan does not recognize the Jewish state.

The invitation to a function celebrating Afghanistan's Independence Day in August was issued to the Israeli diplomat due to a “technical mistake,” Mr. Baheen added.

Mr. Baheen said official was removed because Afghanistan had no diplomatic ties with Israel.

The Real Afghanistan

Sergeant Villalta takes notes. "We'll share this information with the governor, and make sure something is done."

"No! No!" says Sardar Mohammed, stepping forward. "We don't trust the governor. If he gets food, he gives it to 10 families. He puts money in his pocket. We trust you more than him. Bring aid directly to us."

My parents taught me to listen to good words even if it came from a not so good person. Having said that, i found Osama Bin Ladin's latest video tape release as being an integral piece of advice for all (if chanelled in the correct method).

Al-Qaida leader Osama bin Laden called for Iraqi insurgents to unite and avoid "extremism" that causes divisions in a new audiotape aired Monday on Al-Jazeera television, trying to overcome splits by some Sunnis who have opposed the terror group's branch in Iraq.

Bin Laden said insurgents should admit "mistakes" and that he even advises himself not to be extreme in his leadership.

"Some of you have been lax in one duty, which is to unite your ranks,"
bin Laden said in the audiotape. "Beware of division ... Muslims are waiting for you to gather under a single banner to champion righteousness. Be keen to oblige with this duty."

"I advise myself, Muslims in general and brothers in al-Qaida everywhere to avoid extremism among men and groups," he said, saying leaders should not build themselves up as the sole authority, and that instead mujahideen should follow "what God and his prophet have said."

Bin Laden used the Arabic word "ta'assub," which in traditional Islamic thought means extremism in allegiance or adherence to a group, to a degree that excludes others _ apparently advising flexibility to overcome divisions. (The Associated Press, 22 Oct 2007)

One advice for Bin Laden- Take up your own advice and deter from extremism!

An Afghan Tale

Once upon a time there was a country, more a space than a nation, landlocked, mountainous, impoverished and windblown.

There resided many peoples, including Pashtuns and Tajiks and Uzbeks and Turkmen, and a new tribe called the Americans.

They had come, the Americans, after 30 years of bloodshed, to bring peace to this land called Afghanistan. But what did they know - what could they know - of life behind burkas, or beyond mud walls, or inside minds made mad by war?

Past goat herds and yellowing almond trees, the helmeted Americans drove their armored Humvees. Beside lurching piles of battered tires, children gathered in villages and, unlike those in another broken land called Iraq, they smiled and waved.

The Americans talked about empowering Afghans. Sometimes they took to Blackhawk helicopters and swooped along the dun-colored river beds and sent goats scurrying for cover.

The 26,000 U.S. troops meant well. They wielded billions of dollars. They calculated "metrics" of progress. They had learned, to their cost, how this faraway place - abandoned to pile rubble on rubble - could nurture danger.

Not only was it once home to the American-funded Islamists who humbled the Soviet empire. It also housed their jihadist offspring, who, like sorcerers' apprentices, turned on a distracted sponsor and brought the dust of two fallen towers to Manhattan.

To help forge a better Afghanistan, or just an Afghanistan, the Americans involved their NATO friends. An alliance forged to defend the West against the Soviets was transformed into an agent of democratic change in southwest Asia.

How strange! The enemy now was Taliban Islamofascists rather than Kremlin totalitarians. On a hillside in southeastern Afghanistan rose "Camp Dracula," a garrison housing 700 Romanian soldiers on this NATO mission.

The process will be very slow. The West's stomach for investing blood and treasure here for another decade is unclear. But I see no alternative if Afghanistan is to move from its destructive gyre and the global threat that brings.

The children's smiles suggest hope still flickers. To lose Afghanistan by way of Iraq - and to do so on the border of an explosive nuclear-armed Pakistan - would be a terrible betrayal and an unacceptable risk.

That, alas, is no fairy tale.

Latest happenings in Kabul

Canada is paying Afghan police wages in cash, sidestepping the Afghan government it accuses of corruption, to bolster its own troops'safety in the volatile south, a Canadian daily reported Tuesday. (AP, 9 October 2007)

"The German engineer along with four Afghan hostages were freed in exchange for five Taliban prisoners," said Mohammad Naeem, governor of Jaghato district in Wardak province. (AFP, 10 October 2007)

Whatever happened to the Afg gov'ts 'no hostage deal' policy? Read the following article about arranged marriages for girls as young as 3 years old. Upsetting...

When asked about her engagement party this summer, little Sunam glanced blankly at her family, then fiddled with her gold-sequined engagement outfit _ a speechless response not out of shyness, but because she does not yet talk much. Sunam is 3.

The toddler was engaged to her 7-year-old cousin Nieem in June, in a match made by their parents.

Despite the efforts of the government and rights groups, the engagement and marriage of children still persists in this country, especially among poor, uneducated families or in the countryside.

About 16 percent of Afghan children are married under the age of 15, according to recent data from UNICEF. And there is evidence that the poverty of recent years is pushing down the marriage age further in some areas.

The practice can force couples into a miserable union and sometimes expose the girl to violence if she resists.

Sunam's father committed her in marriage as a gift to his sister, Fahima, who does not have a daughter and desperately wants one. Marriage between first cousins is common in Afghanistan because families believe it is better to know their in-laws well. The two families live in the same modest housing compound in Kabul.

"It's a very common problem. I know people in my own family who were engaged this way," said Orzala Ashraf, founder of Humanitarian Assistance for the Women and Children of Afghanistan. "The engagement happens before birth in some cases."

In an unhappy forced marriage, the man can take a woman he loves as a second wife in Islamic and Afghan culture. But the girls are trapped.
Some commit suicide _ in Kapisa province, just north of Kabul, an 18-year-old girl shot and killed herself because her family would not break off her three-year engagement to a drug addict, Afghanistan's Pajhwok News Agency reported in August.

Others run away, sometimes falling into drugs or prostitution.

"Many girls who want to marry as they wish run away as a threat tactic to their family," Ashraf said. "There is no law that forbids running away, but it is a matter of honor."

The tactic sometimes works. Ashraf helped shelter one 17-year-old girl who ran away from home for a few days, humiliating her parents into letting her marry the man she loved.

The minimum legal age of marriage in Afghanistan is 16 for girls and 18 for boys. Yet child marriages account for 43 percent of all marriages, according to the United Nations. The reasons are often economic: The girl's family gets a "bride price" of double the per capita income for a year or more, according to the World Bank.

In March, the women's ministry and rights group Medica Mondiale started a campaign to encourage marriage registration before a judge, which they hope will cut down on forced and child marriages. Marriage registration is already mandated but rarely practiced.

The families of Sunam and Nieem are convinced that if the two grow up together knowing they will be married, they will be happy to wed in the future. The plan is for them to marry when Sunam is 14 or 15.

Nieem's mother, Fahima, said if the children grow up to dislike each other, the families will break off the arrangement. "It's their whole lives. If they don't like each other they will have problems their whole lives," she said.

But according to the children's aunt, Najiba, the match is unbreakable.

"We are Pashtun people. If we engage them, there is no way to separate them. They will marry," Najiba said. "In our tribe, it is like this.
When they get engaged, they cannot divorce."

Many engaged couples do not meet until after they are married. In some cases, two pregnant women _ either sisters or good friends _ agree to make a match if one has a boy and the other a girl.

Girls from fatherless families _ there are many in war-torn Afghanistan _ often are forced into the worst engagements. Jamila Zafar, a social worker for rights group Women for Afghan Women, says it took 2 1/2 months of negotiations to free 14-year-old Mudira in Paghman province outside Kabul from her engagement.

Mudira had lost her father, and her uncle forced the girl into an engagement with his son, a handicapped amputee. When the son died, the uncle engaged her for a second time to another handicapped son.

When Zafar's colleagues talked with the uncle and his family, the relatives threatened to kill them and went to Mudira's house to beat her stepfather. Only under pressure from Paghman police and officials was the engagement called off.

It is nearly impossible to break engagements "because you're considered the other family's property. You're theirs now. You've been given away,"
said Manizha Naderi, director of Women for Afghan Women. "It's obviously barbaric. It's going to take generations to change this custom."

One 22-year-old woman from Kabul has tried to break off her engagement for eight years. Her 36-year-old fiance _ whom she describes as uneducated, conservative and cruel, "like a Taliban" _ has threatened to kill her if she refuses him. His father has also beaten her.

"I have told my mother for eight years that I don't accept this man,"
the engaged woman said, asking that her name be withheld for fear his family would attack her. "My mother said, 'What can I do? You don't have any brothers, you don't have a father.'"

Her father died in a car accident when she was 6 months old, so a close friend of her father took it upon himself to find her an appropriate husband _ his son.

She is educated and works for a prominent international organization.
Her fiance is a tailor with a high school diploma.

"I'm young. I want to go to school," she said, at a coffee shop in a Kabul shopping mall. Her voice was full of desperation and resignation. (The Associated Press, 12 October 2007)

Hundreds of angry villagers demonstrated in eastern Afghanistan Saturday alleging that US troops had burnt the holy Koran, a charge the US-led coalition rejected.

Residents of Kunar province blocked a road for several hours before parliamentarians, in their home districts for the Muslim holiday of Eid al-Fitr, were able to calm the crowd, an AFP reporter said. (13 October 2007)

UK... A sanctuary for fugitive warlords? That's what it sure seems like. This is the second case of the money yet to be opened.

An Afghan warlord suspected of being involved in a massacre of civilians has been allowed to stay in the UK - because kicking him out would infringe his human rights.

Assadullah Nawazzoai was allegedly a former commander of a fundamentalist group which now fights UK and US troops in Afghanistan.

The 46-year-old was believed to have been involved in the siege of Kabul in the mid-1990s when hundreds of innocent civilians were killed, although he denies any responsibility for the deaths of non-combatants. Nawazzoai, who is living with his brother in Ilford, East London, says he will be killed if he returns to Afghanistan. He plans to bring his three wives and seven children over. Ministers are desperate to throw him out, but are convinced the courts would order them to let him stay.

Office Moments

Colleague: 'allah dukhtar, tu cheqa khonok khoor asti'
Me: aah mefamom.
Colleague: ah dega, kampalam beyaree cheqa maza meta.


It is routine here, whoever brings tea for themselves has to ask the rest if they want coffee/tea/water. i brought it the first time, in the morning. throughout the day, i wouldnt go again. eventually i got frustrated.

Me: chay namekhori??? (what it means is i want water)
Colleague: tu namekhori?
Me: ma awardom wakht, nobatet ast
Colleague: cheqa cheshm safeed asteem, ba omideh yak dega shishteem ke chai beyara.

Colleague brings me tea.

Me: ma kho chay namekhorommmmm. u know i dont drink tea.
Colleague: drink tea, u need to get used to it.

My Eid

Only the clouds feel my pain
my eyes shed tears, hurting deeply.
So too do the clouds.
I grieve, so too it does- grey in mourning
Hurting silently.

Sitting in her bed under the covers typing away furiously at her laptop, spilling her emotions in colourful words, dismissing her pain and venting her sentiments. Her darkened brown eyes tell a story as her neatly manicured fingers rapidly conveys her mood. Her eyelids feel heavy, lack of sleep and crying. She stops for half a second and looks outside the window. Her silky brown hair resting on the side of her face, she frowns slightly. A few odd kites flew forlornly in the sky. The dark clouds cast a gloomy shade. Even Kabul was in tears.


I just felt like typing that from a third person narration. I wrote that yesterday in my journal when my aunts and uncles had left for the airport to return to Oz. The house was in thunderous silence.


My sister, my brother in law and my brother had gone to town. My younger sisters were playing in their rooms. My baby sister was asleep. I suddenly felt so alone. I looked at my phone. It seemed so useless to me. I sms more than I call, back home my phone would constantly beep. I had to put it on ‘vibrate’ mode so it didn’t disturb the rest of the house.

I went to my room, sat in my bed under the covers coz it was way too cold. Put my laptop on my lap and unleashed my feelings. I looked at the silver box which I had brought to my room. It was the box which my grandfather had packed his things in hope of returning to Afghanistan before he left for Australia recently. I brought it to my room so that my dad doesn’t come across it. It would only make him upset.

I opened the lid and peeked inside. I didn’t want to touch anything; I left it as it was. Just the way he had packed it. Little did he know he would no longer return. It made me feel very sad. A small brown book caught my sight, I gently leaned into it and pulled it out. It was a photo album of my cousin who had passed on in 2001 at the age of 13. he was close to all of us, we grew up together. I flipped the pages. Tears filled my eyes. I hate death, departure and goodbyes.

The night before was my sisters wedding, tired and exhausted I had fallen asleep. I had promised my aunt 1 I’d take her shopping the very next day before their departure. Which meant no later than 8.00am. I woke up with a knock on my door, ‘qandeh ama, nawakht mesha.’ I had forgotten its their last day today. I jumped out of bed and went to the restrooms. We left for Share Naw in a taxi, it’s so much easier travelling in a taxi. I discussed a few things with her and she advised me many things- all of which I wanted to hear.

My grandmother later on confirmed it. My dads uncle, my dad and all my relatives were in the room. The topic of marriage came up. I cringed, it’s definitely about me. Dad mentioned there’s a doctor asking for my hand. I looked down, saying nothing. I indirectly explained to everyone loud and clear that I don’t want to marry anyone who doesn’t know me. I stated that this person has never met nor seen me, he’s interested in either my dads money or my passport. Some raised eyebrows, others frowned. One relative from my dads’ extensive family spoke up. I sighed silently in disagreement. This woman never understands, she’s always bringing up crazy proposals. ‘why won’t u marry someone from your dads side? Why don’t u like them? If you think it’s about the money, it’s not. They’re all rich themselves and they have status.’

I looked at her and responded ‘I don’t mean any disrespect but no matter how rich they are, let’s not forget that one Australian dollar is worth 40 Afghanis.’ Everyone laughed. I really didn’t see the funny side of it. ‘Ay chawtaar… very smart’ my uncle commented. ‘But it’s true,’ I started giggling.

My grandmother took my side and gave it to them straight, ‘what this girl wants, she’s not saying it because she doesn’t want to disappoint her father. I agree with her, no man in Afghanistan is worthy of her. She’s too intelligent, smart and has a deep personality. Let her chose for herself’. She ordered everyone not to refer any proposals to me and to refute them immediately. I grinned. She spoke in my favour.

My aunt 1 had told me not to marry anyone from here, not the doctors not the engineers or their lawyers. I had no intention of doing so. That was endorsed. My uncles also agreed, they told me I deserve much more. ‘Anyone to let go of you is an ultimate fool.’ My uncle said. I laughed.

Later that day, aunt 2 held my hands in hers and told me, ‘If there’s anything that you need, I’m only a phone call away.’ I couldn’t say much. I responded with a broken smile and a nod. I sat in the room watching them pack. I carefully watched my uncle pack his suitcase. He had too much to pack but only a small suitcase. I looked at him, seeing if he can do it right. Eventually, he gave up. ‘Someone get me another suitcase, please’ he said in exasperatingly. I started giggling ‘Allow me,’ I offered to pack. I took out his towel and explained to him that it’s not necessary and takes too much space. The second thing I took out was his bathroom bag. I opened it and gave him a funny look, ‘You’re going to take half empty shampoo bottles and used soap back to Australia?’ he laughed. I emptied his bathroom bag, neatly folded it and zipped the suitcase shut. ‘Voila, too easy mate!’ I said. ‘Wow, magic.’ He said sarcastically. ‘Haha, very funny’ I shot back.

My sisters wedding went well. I sent both of my sisters to the salon at 11am. I went to the Russian hairdresser with my cousin. We got our hair done there, caught a taxi hours later to meet my sisters at their salon. She was close to finishing. We put on our black robes, and covered our hair. There were too many men waiting outside for their brides from the salons next door. The hairdresser insisted on taking my photo, I declined saying I have no permission to do so. Truth be told, hairdressers tend to take photos of girls and give it to women who are looking for brides for male relatives. Eventually, she gave up.

The decorated Mercedes waited elegantly outside the salon. My sisters husband-to-be escorted her to the car. Everything happened accordingly. But the minute I stepped behind the bridal table with my sister. I felt the negative ambience, I was spun out. I recited ayatul qursi in my mind. I kept getting stuck, forgetting the rest. I deafened myself to the music and began again. I can’t have forgotten. My sister and I looked at each other. I smiled and she returned my smile, she knew what was going on in my head.

Black magic.

I’m not scared of suicide attacks, I’m not scared of rocket propel grenades or being kidnapped or whatever Kabul holds. But I’m scared of the evilness of black magic. It’s around you, waiting to hit you. I was told that someone attempted black magic, but because I constantly recite Ayatul Kursi, it has protected me. Should the curse hit me, it will have devastating effects. At first I laughed it off, ignoring it. But that night at the wedding I felt it. I’m not going to say anymore just yet. I’ll be seeing a mullah soon.

On 2nd day of Eid we were on our way to my grandma’s house. All of a sudden French convoys passed. I heard a little boy scream before a loud bang. A crowd gathered next to the Corolla to see what had happened. The tank had smashed the car which was parked on the side of the road.


I wish you all a belated happy Eid. May Allah accept your prayers, your fast and may he guide us all on his righteous path. Amen. I'm sorry i didn't send out personalised emails as i normally used to but i'm a little cut with time. You all know i still love you.

Further, check out this site- www.masoodkamandy.com An American born Afghan (born in 1981) who is a photographer for NY Times and has established the Photography dept in Kabul University in 2006 where he also lectured. I read about him in an amateur Afghan magazine, but his work is excellent. It's all on his site, take a look.

ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar

Dear Maurizio

In my previous entry, Maurizio from Italy posted a comment:

maurizio said...
Hi..i speak about your blog in my program on a radio,Contatto Radio from Carrara,Italy..If you want to write something about Kabul i like to take your words on the radio..You can listen to our radio in streaming on www.contattoradio.it and talk with me live on messenger from 10,30 to 12,30 on Monday with chat@contattoradio.it

First of all I would like to thank you for your enthusiasm towards my blog. As you may know, i instigated this blog with the intention to portray the image of Kabul from the perspective of an Afghan girl born and raised in Australia. This is not kept for any political rationale. Although i write about recent occurings, i tend to keep it objective and neutral.

I would more than happily participate in your radio. It's a shame i can not understand Italian. But regardless of our different languages and culture, peace and hope is a universal language.

I shall email you in the near future to discuss future endeavours.



As for my other readers, i will update you about my weekend soon.

ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar.

Kabul in pictures III

Photoes... thats self-explanatory. i'm not in the mood for writing much. Hope ur having a better day than i am.

Ufffff... frustrated

Bakhuda tang ast dilam, tang ast dilam, tang ast dilam...

It's that time of the month again when i feel really down. the time when most guys are freaked out and only girls understand.. PMS phase of the month. anyways, during this time a girl needs tender loving care (and i'm sure most girls agree). ladies, am i right or am i right?

I get really cranky and moody, and i just need someone to talk to when i get like that. To listen to what i have to say, not walk out on me. It's not like i enjoy it, i really dont! I feel bad coz i knwo that the people around me, and the people i love might be offended. Back home, (i'm sure many of you remember) no one could tell. as long as i'm having a good time, i'm all happy and smiles.

About my previous blog, the blank squares... i like the way W put it.

I read your blog the other night and am very proud of how ur handling yourself! I also attempted to check ur blog out tonite but all i could see was a page with title Kabul in Motion - the page was blank. Not sure if its a website problem or a very critical view of actual life in kabul from your perspective!

No, kadoo.. it's not that. They're actually videos of Kabul (yeh i know ur getting all happy) but dont worry, i'll fix it up. If not after this entry, maybe another day. Sarem dard mekona and i feel really crap. I know i should have replied to your email. But i hope this suffices. I am joking, i have replied. Btw, which poems did u say you liked?

So yeah, i decided to talk to F online so she can make me feel better. But as usual, she went on about the evilness of the male gender..haha. This is how the conversation went:

in Kabul >> says:
i feel down... stupid PMS

in Kabul >> says:
today i been feeling really depressed.. it's not normal for me to feel this way coz i never do

in Kabul >> says:
i just wanna go and cry

F - says:
i am over it

in Kabul >> says:
how did u manage to do that? lol

F - says:
get over it?

in Kabul >> says:
yeah

F - says:
well talk 2 sum1 about nething

F - says:
pray, that helps

F - says:
put music on and dance

F- says:
have ice cream

in Kabul >> says:
i do.. but its that time of the month

F - says:
watch a movie

Fereshta - says:
me 2
Fereshta - says:
awwww my shaadigak

F - says:
guys man they just make things worse

F - says:
they ONLY care about themself

in Kabul >>:
honey, ur not helping

F - says:
haha

F - says:
i am just telling u the truth

F - says:
they cant be relied on 2 make u feel beter

F - says:
only good at one thing: make u feel worse

in Kabul >>
not all of em..depending on the maturity level. some are ok

F - says:
u should stick 2 ice cream and dancing

in Kabul >>:
lol

F- says:
its amazing what some good music can do

in Kabul >>:
i need to listen to baraan... omid or Ahmad zahir

in Kabul >>:
lol

F - says:
yes its true... lets put it this way they are great fun n good friends but when things change and u start a relationship and expectations start 2 give way then they suck

in Kabul >>:
uffff ur such a man-basher. lol.

F - says:
no no that will make u cry

F - says:
cryn is not bad...

F - says:
i guess its ur pms

F - says:
it happens 2 me everymonth

in Kabul >>
i hate it

in Kabul >>
i feel sorry for ppl around me... but then when i realise theyre being jerks instead of understanding. i dont!

F - says:
lol

F - says:
haha

F- says:
stuff em

Eid is coming up and so are other occasions (i will reveal details in my next entry)I wont be at work for a few days or so. Good chance for me to go to Dubai?!

My head is hurting, I think i'm going to call it a day and go home, do some shopping to feel a little better.

Ba Omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar.

Share Naw

Kabul Night- Still and moving

Intercontinental Ball room


The band- theres a word for this in dari, not sure of it. But its entertainment while you eat

The dance floor, i think!

Afghan kebab- right by the pool

Kebabs, live Afghan music, dinner- all by the pool @ intercontinental hotel.

Deep from the heart...

Emptiness and blank emotions. I seem like i'm so tough, but little do people know that small things hurt me. People close to me know this.

Have you ever expressed genuinity and sincerity only to be confronted with disbelief? It hurts when people think your not being real when in fact you are. To pay the price for someone elses mistakes and stupidity. To be at the right place at the wrong time.

To trust someone and not be trusted in return. to believe what they say but when it comes to you, be doubted.

I know trust is earned and not given- but at the same time i would expect, in return, a little of what i give. Don't we all?

I trust people and see the good in them, because i believe there is goodness in everyone and that it overpowers the negativity (regardless). i believe what ppl tell me because i know there is some degree of sincerity.

Unfortunately, this involves the risk of getting hurt and betrayed. but i would take that upon myself to trust others and see the good in this world.

all this is concealed within.

I just wish karma would take its toll with me.

Just a thought... too much pride

Afg working for International Organisation- kidnapped.

A wake up call... *gasp* This took place 50km from Kabul city.

Five Afghans linked to international groups working in Afghanistan have
been kidnapped, officials said Monday in the latest in a slew of abductions
blamed on Taliban rebels or criminals.

Later Sunday one of their superiors was called by a man who said, "We
have taken your people and you have to pay us some money," Qaraeen said.
(Source- AFP)

Afg teen executed for carrying US dollars

South Afghanistan is heating up, not that its any cooler. Musa Qala in Helmand is under 100% authority of the Taliban. Sangin and Lashkar Gah are on the verge of toppling into the Taliban regime. Uruzgan, Zabul, Nimroz, Helmand and Kandahar are perhaps the worst followed by the Eastern regions (Kunar, Nangarhar- where the famous Tora Bora is situated).

The article below highlights the injustices of the so-called 'Taliban'. When I recieved an update in my inbox, the title caught my attention. I just had to post it. So unfair...

KANDAHAR, Afghanistan_Taliban militants hanged a teenager in southern
Afghanistan because he had American money in his pocket, stuffing five
US$1 bills into his mouth as a warning to other villagers not to use dollars, police
said Monday. Taliban militants elsewhere killed eight police.

The 15-year-old boy was hanged from a tree on Sunday in Helmand, the most violent province in the country and the world's No. 1 poppy-growing region.
"The Taliban warned villagers that they would face the same punishment if they were caught with dollars," said Wali Mohammad, the district police chief in Sangin.

Dollars are commonly used in Afghanistan alongside the afghani, the local currency,
though dollars are more commonly seen in larger cities where international
organizations are found.

[passage omitted]

The Taliban killed another man in Sangin on Saturday who had sought farm assistance and seeds from an international aid program, Mohammad said.
The militants accused him of being a spy and shot him to death.

Another explosion...Saturday's replica

Just recieved news of another suicide attack between Chahrahe Qambar and Afshar. The target was another police bus. The same procedure (in Saturday's attack) was employed by the suicide bomber this morning. He entered a Police Bus before detonating himself. There are casualties, but the number is unknown as yet. We recieved this terrible news at 7.15am this morning.

This is too upsetting!

In the political arena (since Saturdays suicide attack), Karzai has made unsuccessful attempts to reach a truce with the Taliban and warlord Hekmatyar- even offering them cabinet posts in Meshrano Jirga. Both have turned him down. Hekmatyar had recently suggested for foreign troops to be replaced with military troops from Islamic countries and the Taliban rejected Karzais offer issuing an ultimatem that all foreign troops evacuate Afghanistan before they decide to make any peace deals.

"Taliban are not interested in government posts - ministries or anything.
We want the withdrawal of foreign forces and we stand by our position," Qari
Yusuf Ahmadi told news agencies. "As long as they have not withdrawn, we'll
never talk with the Kabul administration." (Source- BBC News)

I guess he's gotten his point across.

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar.

Oh so sweet...

A friend who told me to post this asked me to title it 'By my love' or something of the like. W, if i had remembered, i would have titled it as such.

You have no idea
how hard I've looked for a gift to bring You.
Nothing seemed right.
Whats the point of bringing gold to a gold mine,
or water to the Ocean.
Everything I came up with
was like taking spices to the Orient.
Its no good giving my heart and soul
because You already have these.
So - I've brought You a mirror.
Look at Yourself and remember me. -Rumi

Last night we went out for dinner. After, we went to Intercontinental hotel for coffee. The view was so pretty. I took plenty of photoes but unfortunately i do not have my camera with me to upload the pics. Will do tomorrow, bakhayr.

Got home to see that we already had guests. They left quite early (930pm) giving us the chance to spend some quality time with family. i hit the bed at 1am.

Will put pics up soon!

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar!