End of the road for Mr Taliban?

Tu ra nadeeda raftom,
dil az mann gelah daara (Shabnumi Soraya- Tajiki singer)

200 Taliban have been surrounded in Uruzgan (that’s where our Aussie troops are posted.. GO AUSSIE GO!) The Taliban have sought refuge in civilian houses shielding themselves. So what happens now? they’re under scrutiny. All will be known soon. In the meantime, Mr Boss from the Taliban has blatantly proclaimed that there will be ‘major offensive’ attacks in retaliation. Suprisingly, very little has been said in the media.

I guess this means I will be missing out on the jashen (festival) which I have been looking forward to very very very much. Parents think it’s too dangerous- yes, out of the thousands of people attending, it will be my family and I that will be hit directly (IF these attacks do happen)! There was another festival a week ago, wasn’t allowed to go to that for security purposes and also because it’s not a place where women should go- it’s for MEN, BOYS, GUYS (Even though it’s advertised for EVERYONE). As I said, it’s a mans’ world!

Jeez, what else is there to do in this place? Oh no, here I go with the whole whingeing thing again.. but can you honestly blame me?

Haven’t heard from my potential job- not going to bother with them. If they want me, they come after me!

Yesterday we were invited to dads (paternal) relatives place. The girls are really nice but… not my kind of crowd (to say the least and to avoid being impolite). But they’re honestly very very nice and very good girls. Let’s just say they get along better with my mum.

Today we had unexpected guests come over for lunch. Around fifteen people, no less! Oddly enough, they don’t call ahead of time to say they’re coming.

At the moment, it’s 5.56pm- neighbours are all outside having a chat. Kids are playing. Weather is great! People returning home from work. Busy busy- it’s the best time to be out!

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar!

Character assassination

He's tackling corruption very well. A stern face hidden underneath a grey bushy beard and white hair. Blunt, straight to the point yet he's one of the few who is really doing well for the country. Attorney General, Abdel Jabar Sabet has been under attack by the media non stop in the last 24 hours. He’s under heavy criticism for calling Tolo Tv’s journalist to his offices. Critics say he’s jeapordising Afghanistans' right to freedom of speech. Have a read of this article posted on BBC today (see below). See also the press release which has been heavily exaggerated (according to my personal thoughts).

While it may be unacceptable for an Attorney General to approach TV stations and alter in their productions, one still needs to keep in mind the developing nature of afghanistan. Pragmatically, Afghanistan hasn't developed it's freedom of speech. Many Afghans are too afraid to speak out.

In terms of journalism, i have witnessed the powerful impact of media propaganda and it's effect on nations (including Australia). The media is able to manipulate and shape ideas of the masses by using it's right to free speech. But to what extent is it free speech? Unfortunately, even Australian media laws are still unable to draw a fine law between defamation and free speech. The Australian media, to some extent, has portrayed a negative image of Muslims in Australia creating phobia nationwide.

In essence, although i don't agree Attorney General Sabet is the man for the job, however we do need someone who gives our journalists a twist in the ear every now and then for manipulation. As for Shukria Barukzai, to say the least- she's my most disliked MP. She doesn't maintain her ground and changes her stance on issues too often.

Anyways, back to Attorney General- there's been a hyper reaction here in Kabul. It's all over the news- character assassination! Seriously, GET OVER IT and leave the poor man alone! He's top notch! This is the first step he's taken which is wrong, but there's plenty more that he's done which deserves praise.

As for other happenings, things are pretty calm here. Just been really busy in the past few days with guests.

Row over Afghan TV station raid

Protesters denounced the raid as an attack against press freedom Staff at an Afghan television station in the capital, Kabul, have protested against a raid by armed police who allegedly assaulted workers there.
Dozens of journalists and members of parliament demonstrated outside parliament against the raid. They accused President Hamid Karzai of smothering freedom of speech during Tuesday's raid at Tolo TV.
MP and former journalist Shukria Barakzai accused the authorities of having no respect for the law.

'Over-reaction'
"It's a small example for journalists in Afghanistan. We face lots of violence," she told the rally outside parliament.

Staff at Tolo are renowned for their campaigns for social change. Staff at Tolo say that about 50 armed police entered its offices, assaulted staff and arrested three people who were taken to the attorney general's office. He had complained earlier about an item broadcast in one of the station's news programmes which he said misrepresented a speech he made in parliament.

The New York based Committee to Protect Journalists described the raid as an "over-reaction", and an indication that Kabul was moving quickly away from its pledge of press freedom.

Press release from Tolo Tv- recieved in my email inbox:

Attorney General orders arrest of Tolo TV staff
Kabul, Afghanistan 17 April 2007 -

Tonight at about 7pm Kabul time, more than 50 armed men from the 10th District Police, under direct orders from the Attorney General, Abdul Jabar Sabet, surrounded the offices of Tolo TV in Wazir Akbar Khan in Kabul Afghanistan. The Police physically entered Tolo TV premises and violently attacked staff of Tolo TV, taking three staff members of Tolo TV with them. The Tolo TV staff members, were taken directly to the Attorney General's Office and detained.

Earlier at about 6.20pm tonight, the Attorney General, Abdul Jabar Sabet, had complained of a news clip on the 6pm Tolo TV news, which he claimed was inaccurate or misrepresented the Attorney General's comments at an earlier press conference today. After investigating the complaint, Tolo TV management found the complaint to be invalid. The Tolo TV news clip broadcast was accurate and representative of what the Attorney General had said at the press conference.

At the time that the District 10 Police came to Tolo TV offices, they sought the detention of Hamed Haidary, who was the journalist covering the news clip mentioned above, and the "person responsible" for Tolo TV. The Police did not have any legal documentation. When asked to produce such documentation, the Deputy Commander of District 10 Police, wrote on a piece of paper the following:

To the administration of Tolo TV
In accordance with the order of the Attorney General, the responsible person for Tolo TV, and Hamed Haidary, the reporter, are required to appear at the 10th District Police Office.
Signed on behalf of the Commander of the 10th Police District, Mohammad Qasim Aminzoi
The above document was handed to Tolo TV staff, but was not accepted by legal advisors to Tolo TV as it is not valid in Law. Under the Constitution of Afghanistan, Article 38 states as follows:
Residences shall be immune from trespassing.
No one, including the state, shall have the right to enter a residence or search it without the owners permission or by order of an authoritative court, except in situations and methods delineated by law.

In case of an evident crime, the responsible official shall enter or search a residence without prior court order. The aforementioned official, shall, after entrance or completion of search, obtain a court order within the time limit set by law.
No arrest warrants, Court orders, or other legal or written documents were produced by the 10th District Police (other than as noted above).

They advised that the Attorney General had verbally ordered them to detain Tolo TV staff. When Tolo TV staff, including Tolo TV legal advisor, Mohammad Abdullah, Tolo TV Administration Manager, Siddiq Ahmadzada and Tolo TV Security Manager, Lal Mohammad, tried to reason with the Police they were physically assaulted and then dragged into Police vehicles.

These three Tolo TV staff members were taken to the Attorney General's office (not the 10th District Police Office), where they were held until public pressure forced the Attorney General to release the Tolo TV staff after about 1 hour. A number of other journalists, including 4 staff members of Associated Press who were covering the incident, were also detained without charge and allegedly assaulted and their footage allegedly confiscated.

It should also be noted that under the Media Laws of Afghanistan, all complaints about the media should, at first instance, be directed towards the Media Investigation Commission which is tasked with investigating such complaints. This Commission is then able to refer the matter to the Attorney General's office if warranted. This procedure was not followed in this instance.

We hereby state as follows:
the actions of the District 10 Police and the Attorney General's office, including the Attorney General, Abdul Jabar Sabet, were a complete violation of the Constitution of Afghanistan
the manner in which Tolo TV were physically abused and detained was completely unacceptable and against the law
the physical transgression into Tolo TV offices is against the Constitution and the laws of Afghanistan
sthe taking of Tolo TV staff to the Attorney General's office was against the law
the direct ordering of District Police by the Attorney General's office is against the law
these actions of the Attorney General's office and the District 10 Police are not only against the rights of media enshrined in the Constitution, but also against the principles of democracy and against the national interest of Afghanistan

Further, we demand as follows:
he immediate suspension from duty of all persons involved in this incident including the Attorney General, the Commander of the 10th District of Police and the Deputy Commander of the 10th District Police
the creation of a commission who will be tasked with investigating this incident, to be comprised of members acceptable to the media
the dismissal of all those found to have had any involvement in this incident which is against the laws of Afghanistan
the prosecution to the full extent of the law of all of those found to have committed any crime

Further, Tolo TV Management would like to thank all of those people who have indicated their support for Tolo TV, including all other media organisations of Afghanistan and international organisations who have covered this event, human rights organisations, members of Parliament, unions representing journalists, the staff of Tolo TV, Lemar TV and Arman FM, all other organisations who have expressed their public support, and most of all the public of Afghanistan who have been unswerving in their support.

I shall write to Tolo Tv.

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar.

Instigation of mild fear...

"With a drop of my sweetheart's blood,
Shed in defense of the Motherland,
Will I put a beauty spot on my forehead,
Such as would put to shame the rose in the garden,"
- Malalai (Afghan heroine)

Lately, I have been caught up with home duties and studies as it's my final semester! But here are the highlights.

We were invited to mums relatives house where I met X- a relative who was captured by the Taliban (while they were in power) at the age of 15. She was forced to marry him. She escaped with the help of her father to Pakistan! In retaliation, the Taliban held her mother hostage for months. Eventually, she was dragged back into her 'husbands' home. At the Taliban's downfall, X escaped for good and joined the army. Currently, her story is wanted by many internationals who want to publish her story. She has refused, afraid of her identity being revealed as she lives in fear of her ex-husband. Her story has dominated BBC and taken tabloids by storm.

Surprisingly, she wants ME to write her biography so long as i don't reveal her identity. It is an absolute honour! We exchanged contact numbers. Cool huh?

Sunday shoot outs- BBC News

President Hamid Karzai said 10 people died when coalition forces opened
fire on civilians after a suicide attack in eastern Nangarhar province on
Sunday.

Another issue which really worried me is the state of Kabul University. During the 50's and 60's the university was one of the finest in Asia- currently, it's still prettier than any university i have seen so far. However, one of the students i met complained about the lack of facilities available. Basic necessities such as electricity and water or even chairs. In some cases, students have to take notes throughout the entire lecture, standing up! These students are the future of this country, they should be made a priority.

Kabul University in pictures...

I also visited, Lycee Malalai. A French school my dad's sisters attended. Afghan and French flags greeted us, waving side by side. Tall and proud. The school hasn't been destructed at all. Very well architectured. Inside paintings of a young afghan girl hung loose- it was the same girl, just different paintings. I knew Malalai was a name, but who was she? Mum explained who she was.

Malalai was a young girl, yet to be married who went along with the Afghan army to help tend to the wounded and provide water and spare weapons. Eventually there came a point in the battle where the Afghan army, despite their superior numbers, started to lose morale and the tide seemed to be turning in favour of the British. Seeing this, Malalai took off her veil and shouted out:

"Young love! If you do not fall in the battle of Maiwand,By God, someone is saving you as a symbol of shame!"

This gave many of the Afghan fighters and ghazis a new resolve and they redoubled their efforts. At that moment one of the leading flag-bearers fell from a British bullet, and Malalai went forward and held up the flag (some versions say she made a flag out of her veil), singing a landai:

"With a drop of my sweetheart's blood,

Shed in defense of the Motherland,

Will I put a beauty spot on my forehead,

Such as would put to shame the rose in the garden,"

But then Malalai was herself struck down and killed. However, her words had spurred on her countrymen and soon the British lines gave way, broke and turned, leading to a disastrous retreat back to Kandahar and the biggest defeat for the Anglo-Indian army in the Second Afghan War. http://www.garenewing.co.uk/angloafghanwar/biography/malalai.php

Speaking my mind, exhausting my right to 'freedom of speech' has caused people fear for my safety. As a result, I edited previous posts and will try to maintain an objective stance in political issues which is extremely fragile. However, the media has finally shed some light on the French and Afghan workers who have been held hostage by the Taliban in Nimrooz- here's the article from BBC.

Video footage has surfaced of two French aid workers seized by the Afghan Taleban several weeks ago.

Canada's CBC network published still images from the video, which it said showed a female hostage pleading for her life in a whispered voice.
The two aid workers and three Afghan colleagues were seized in the Nimroz province nearly two weeks ago. The French government has confirmed these are the missing people, the Canadian broadcaster said. The images, which the channel calls "disturbing", show the woman saying she is a French aid worker who was kidnapped by the Taleban 10 days ago.

At one point, she pleads for her life. Another man, who identifies himself as Eric, appears on the video making a similar appeal.
The video also shows the three Afghan men blindfolded and shackled, according to news agency Associated Press.
The tape would be the first evidence that the two aid workers and the Afghan men they were with are still alive.
The two French nationals were working for an educational NGO.
The Taleban has confirmed it is holding the five, but has not said what would happen to them.
French President Jacques Chirac asked the Afghan government on Friday to help secure their release.
Last month, an Italian journalist was kidnapped in the southern province of Helmand but released after two weeks.

Hmmmm... I wonder if Karzai will abide by his 'no more negotiations with the Taliban' policy or will this be another 'extraordinary case'.

A lady was shocked today to find out we had come from khaarij. She stressed that situation is critical and now is definitely not the time to have come to Afghanistan. Westerners are constant targets. I started freaking out considering I'm working for an international organisation.

Thankfully, we're getting armed bodyguards soon. At least, I'll feel a little safer! But then again, it's a crazy world, it's hard to trust people.

There's a virus out in Afghanistan (apparently created by the Pakis) which involves death by a simple telephone call. According to my sources, one person has been killed in Jalalabad as a result of excessive bleeding through the eyes, nose and ears. SO WHAT DO YOU DO? Avoid answering calls from unidentified numbers!

It's 1252am, extremely tired!

PS Just outside my office, there's a door keeper whom I had a chat with while waiting for my lift. He said something which has been repeating in my head all day. He said even if a Western Afghan returns to Afghanistan and does something as simple as build a house- that within itself will help nearly ten families, let alone working for the cause of the country.

Until then......

ba omideh deedaar.......

More photoes...

Remember the execution of a woman found 'guilty' of adultery by the Taliban- dressed in chadari and shot in the head in Kabul stadium??? This is the entry to the place where it happened!

Dayra- female entertainment!

Sunset in Maydan Shar- returning to Kabul. Have a closer look- Karzai's face is at the apex.

As promised...

In silence I grieve
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?
—With silence and tears.
Dedicated to Farkhunda

I’m on the brink of collapsing- excessive fatigue! It’s 134am and I’m exhausted! Been cooking and cleaning all day (my sisters in laws and her fiancé was over for lunch). So glad it’s over!

Daym, first suicide bombing ever- for Algeria. 30 killed. Won't get into that, too tired!

Here's my speech I promised to paste (it was directed to Australians):

Ladies and gentlemen, I stand before you today as an Australian afghan. I
am
first generation Australian- born and raised in Western Australia and grew up
in a traditional Afghan family. Torn between two cultures- east and west, I
found it very difficult finding my identity while growing up. Trying to ‘fit
in’
with my traditional afghan family but I was consistently told I’m
too
‘australianised’ that left me in a state of confusion. Gradually, I learnt to
accept
my individuality as being neither a complete afghan nor a true blue
aussie but a
combination of both.

This is my final semester of
university
studies which I am completing externally, undertaking a double
degree. I am in
the process of completing Bachelor of Arts majoring in
Justice Studies and
Bachelor of commerce majoring in business law.I came to
Afghanistan only five
weeks ago with only one goal, ‘give more, take
little’. Since childhood, I
remember my parents longing to return to
Afghanistan. They’d cry when they see
images of Afghanistan on TV. I didn’t
understand what the big deal was. I mean
Australia by far had better living
standards and was blatantly more developed so
that meant that my parents
should be better off in Australia, right? WRONG! I’ll
explain
why.

My father left Afghanistan for America to pursue his
studies at the age of 17, only a year before the Soviet invasion. Mum had
left
Afghanistan 27 years ago. So it seemed like a lifetime for
them.although
Australia is a ‘lucky country’ and is the land of ‘bread and
butter’- it wasn’t
home for my parents. this bond they had for Afghanistan
didn’t make sense to me
until we arrived to Afghanistan in March 07. Dad
knelt and kissed the ground
while mum got teary, i was eager to face many
challenges to come my way- whether
I was prepared was a different matter
altogether.

As you may
already be aware, Kabul is a very small
city- smaller than my hometown, perth!
But the poptulations is more than
double! The cruel war has disadvantaged many
Afghan families, leaving them
in a state of despair and poverty. The Taliban
using Islam, the religion of
peace as a mechanism for war. they killed innocent
civilians. They might not
have killed women and children, but they brutally
tortured them emotionally.
they killed men, who in this patriarchal society play
an integral role in
the family. not only did they kill men they deprived a
family of a father, a
brother, an uncle, a friend, a son, a husband- the list
goes on. As I
prepared my speech this morning, news broke that Ajmal Naqshbandi
who was
held captive by the Taliban has been beheaded. My deepest thoughts and
condolences goes to their families. Sadly, the cruelty of this regime is
evident
in todays society.in fact, it’s right before your eyes in this very
room. These
children are victims of a disadvantaged war.

I was
privileged
enough to visit Hope House only a few weeks ago, it was the day i
became a
witness to the cruel imposition of the Taliban . Children of a
disadvantaged
'war'. An unforgettable experience, almost demoralising.
Meeting sixty deprived
children and a number of widows. Deprived of
emotional, educational and basic
care which every human being
deserves.
From a distance the three storey
sanctuary grew larger and
larger as we drove closer, the middle aged gatekeeper
came out via the side
door to check who we were before allowing entry. His stern
face broke into a
friendly one as a smile spread across his face. Realising who
we were, the
gates opened as our 4WD made it's way inside. Little children stood
and
looked on.I tried smiling, but i couldn't. I was frozen. I kept an eye open
for Kaka Sidiq ( Khola Mahbobas brother) but the children were much too
distracting. The car stopped in the middle of the oval as directed by the
orphanage helpers. Curious to explore, i thoughtlessly stepped out of the
vehicle into a puddle of mud. For the first time, i didn't care. Curiously,
i
followed my family upstairs. Mum began conversing, starting by asking them
what
position they hold in the orphanage. Gradually, it came to light who
they were.
Widows of the disadvantaged Taliban 'war'. One of the widows gave
explicit
details about the brutal death of her husband. The Taliban had
demanded him to
release information about the whereabouts of chief Northern
Alliance leaders
(Ahmad Shah Masood's party). It was obvious to the Taliban
that the man hadn't
information about the party as he wasn't involved. Just
an excuse to beat the
poor man. That's when the torture began. He was hung
by his ankles from the
ceiling and beaten for two hours consecutively.
Finally, he was acquitted. A few
days later he died. Unsure, his wife
presumed it was internal bleeding. Leaving
behind his wife and four
children.I couldn’t take it any more! My eyes became
too wet to see, I
dropped my head and waited for them to finish. Every pair of
eyes in the
room told a dreadful story, a horrific past. yet they continue to
smile,
this was only a fraction of kabuls poor and needy. Some of the children
told
their stories with no emotion. As if losing a parent was alright. Suddenly,
I realised why I was in Kabul. It was for children like them. how could I be
so
selfish and turn away from these faces. my moral conscience would’nt
allow it.
Even if I did go back to Australia, I’d be sure to leave something
behind and
contribute somehitng. A pledge to the poor and needy. I know I’ll
face many
impediments along the way… what doesn’t kill me can only make me
stronger.

There are thousands more in need out there, waiting
to be
given a fair chance. They continue to smile yet in every voice of
every man, in
every infants cry of fear, in every cry of every child. In
ever voice I hear the
culety of war, the unhealed wounds, the pain and
sufferings- hoping and praying
for a day to come.

As for me, my
journey continues… I am a
pessimist when I say one person can do only so
much, but I hope, like Mahboba
and Sidiq rawi to become an inspiration
for others to help developing
nations including Afghanistan. Leave
government policy aside, which in my
opinion isn’t doing much but if every
person can do what Mahboba has done,
accommodate for 60 orphans, the world
would be a better place.

If
it weren't for Australia, I
wouldn't be here today. I appreciate everything
Australia has given me- the
education and the expertise to help Afghanistan. It
would be selfish of me
if I didn't acknowledge that. But Afghanistan is in
desparate need of me, I
don’t want to return without leaving something
behind.
I have one request for you to help the afghan people the Ausralian way and ‘give them a fair go, mate’.

Thank you.

I will write more tomorrow! By the way, I recieved my grade for an assignment- Distinction! Not bad for someone who has no access to uni facilities ay? ;)

Ba omideh khaw, khuda negahdaar.......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

PS Saw another Tolo Tv presenter today - Masood Ahmadi i think his name is.

Where is Afg heading?

Che begaam az dasteh tu, ay roozegaar
Be tu che mereseh az shekasti mann?
- (Dilkhushi) Omid

Yesterday was an excellent day! It was the opening ceremony for 'Hope House' (orphanage). I was asked to present a speech and co-host the event. I was more than happy. I arrived there hours before the commencement of the ceremony and wrote up my speech, jotting down notes and scribbling. A lot of effort had been put in.

When it was my turn to speak, i surprised myself! I cried! :S Halfway through my speech i couldn't help it! Cameras, guests from Australia- everyone was looking and here i was in tears.
But over all, the event was a great success.

As I was trying to get through the crowd of men to go inside, Raymond Nelson (Deputy for Mahbobas Promise) offered me a seat next to him. I didn't want to refuse because that would be too rude! We exchanged views on Afghanistan, Australia and other ideas. A few moments later, a young guy sitting on the other side of Raymond conversed with me in Dari. Basically, I explained why i was here, my hopes and what i want to do. I realised that the whole table and the one next to us stopped to listen to our conversation. All of them AFGHAN MEN.

All credit goes to the helpers at Mahbobas Promise, the children and most importantly- the man behind the scenes Kaka Sidiq.

I will post my speech- (which everyone thought was excellent!) i reckon it's crap!

Oh another thing i did was absolutely pathetic with my broken Dari was TRANSLATE Raymonds speech. Oh my god, how embarrasing! Everyone else thought it was 'cute' *raises an eyebrow*

Also Naqshbandi has been killed. My heart goes out to his family and friends.

Ummm... other issues... Johnny Boy (PM John Howard) has sent more Aussie troops to Afghanistan. 450 of 'em. What is the point? Seriously! I visited Maidan (mum's hometown) and a city where it's filled with Taliban supporters. You'd expect to see the place filled with ISAF troops. but nope, the only troops there were at the entrance to the city and that's it! Once we went in, no police, no security- nothing! Anything was possible! This is where the Taliban regroup! I guess I have exceeded CIA's intelligence. WOHOOO..hahaha

Taleban kill Afghanistan reporter -BBC News

The Taleban in Afghanistan have killed an Afghan reporter abducted last month with an Italian journalist. The group said it had killed Ajmal Naqshbandi because the government had refused to meet its demands to release senior figures from prison.
Italian reporter Daniele Mastrogiacomo was released after five Taleban members were freed in exchange. The driver, Sayed Agha, was beheaded last month.
Italian Prime Minister Romano Prodi has condemned Mr Naqshbandi's killing.
The two reporters and their driver were captured on 6 March in Helmand province.
Shohaabuddin Atal, a spokesman for Taleban commander Mullah Dadullah, said: "We killed Ajmal today because the government did not respond to our demands."
Italian deal The Afghan government's intelligence services spokesman, Saeed Ansari, confirmed Mr Naqshbandi had been killed.

Mr Mastrogiacomo was freed in an exchange with Taleban prisoners Tom Koenigs, UN special envoy to Afghanistan, said: "I condemn this senseless murder unreservedly and call on the authorities to bring those responsible to justice."
In Italy, Mr Prodi said he "learned with anguish" of Mr Naqshbandi's death. "We strongly condemn this absurd crime," he said.

Ajmal Naqshbandi worked as a guide and translator for visiting foreign
reporters. He was abducted with Mr Mastrogiacomo and their driver at a
Taleban checkpoint and originally accused of spying for the British army.
The reporters' driver was beheaded to put pressure on negotiations for their
release.
The BBC's Mark Dummett in Kabul says after intense lobbying from
the Italians, a deal was done. Five Taleban were allowed to go and Mr
Mastrogiacomo was set free. Our correspondent says there was outrage in
Afghanistan that the government would firstly bow to its enemy's demands and
secondly that it would save a foreigner but not an Afghan.

The Taleban are still holding five government medics and two French aid workers along with three Afghan colleagues. Their fate will be decided next, they say.
President Hamid Karzai has ruled out any more hostage deals with the Taleban.
"[Mr Mastrogiacomo] was an extraordinary situation and won't be repeated again," Mr Karzai said on Friday. "No more deals with no-one and with no other country."

Are you kiding me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

Another odd case- Female Iraqi suicide bomber! Daym...

This world is becoming a crazy place....... as if you didn't know that already!

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar.

PS I am starting work very soon...

Belated entries

Sister ‘S’ is getting engaged!
Tuesday 3rd April 2006

I haven’t been able to enter any blog entries (poor internet services) so here I am typing it on Microsoft word hoping for a miracle to take place and ta-da internet is connected. YEAH RIGHT!

Once again, I managed to wield my way out of marriage. Tehehehe. But for how long? Never mind, I’ll tackle the proposals one at a time.
In the meantime however, my gorgeous sister S is getting engaged. Yay! She said ‘yes’ to the proposal so basically the pre-wedding procedure happens in three steps (thanks to Mama Haji- dads uncle, for explaining).
Firstly, you have the lafz stage -parental approval of the wedding. It basically involves the parents of both the potential bride and groom to sort out any discrepancies privately and at the same time agree to the engagement. Brides family hands sweets and chocolate to the grooms family. I wish I was told this three years ago! I thought lafz was publicised for EVERYONE. Where the hell was my lifeline when I needed it? Damn it.

Secondly, this is publicised by the shirnee daadan process where the entire world is given the news (okay fine- I exaggerated, not the entire world! Just the afghans which means that news will travel at the speed of light and eventually the entire planet is bound to find out). In all seriousness, this stage hasn’t arrived yet. So I really don’t have a clue what happens.

Thirdly, is the engagement party. Self explanatory, really.

So yeah, tomorrow is the lafz. End of topic, it’s boring me already.

Yesterday we had coffee at Kabul City Centre. I felt like I was in Australia. the shopping cenre, the social atmosphere (it was around 4pm so all the business executives and ‘normal’ people had gathered) it felt like home. I think I found my haven when/if Kabul gets too much for me.

I also bough a huge afghan flag from the famous tourist place- Chicken Street (aka koochayeh morgha).Why? I don’t know. Patriotism. Hehe.
There was another shop with long elegant coats made of mink or wolf skin, cat skin, rabbit- you name it! Animal rights issues aside, they were beautiful. They only cost $500AU for the best in stock. It also comes with fur hats. Elite, classy, stylish.

The best part of today was Chelsea Supermarket. Everything is imported so they’re good quality stuff. I’m talking Cadbury chocolate, Ferrero Rocher, genuine designer perfumes, shampoos etc. Woolies has come to Kabul, YAY! I was so relieved. It’s pricey but who cares, it’s the closest thing to Woolworths.

Oh yeah, we bought a house. Finally! I’ve been living from a suitcase for the past three months. Argh!As I was saying, it’s a huge house. Twenty three rooms, five bathrooms and it’s four-five storeys high. Mashaallah! It was around US$260 000 (roughly 24 million Afghanis). The first thought that came to my head when I heard of the price was ‘imagine how many people that would feed?’

I have a job interview tomorrow. Found out in a very strange way. we were in the car, heading to Kabul City Centre today when a white 4WD with United Nations plates stopped on the side of the road. One of the men signalled for us to pull over. I thought it was trouble. He came over to my window and started talking to me. I had no idea who he was until my brother mentioned his name. he had recognised me (I had been to his office a while ago). He told me to call him later in the day and he’ll notify me abuo the job interview. How very odd! Called him, am due for an interview tomorrow at 1pm.

Returned home to realised that S needs jewelry and shoes to go with the dress. So we went shopping again. Walking to the shops, I noticed a black 4WD slowing down next to us with tinted windows. The guy inside was full on looking. ‘omg is that bejaan?’ the afghan rapper! My sister had a blank look on her face. The guys standing a few metres away from us caused a quick commotion ‘ohooo bejan jaaneh kunduzi’. That confirmed it! It WAS him. Anyways, we went on doing our shopping- we promised dad we’d be home before dark.

Erm.. I’m really very tired. Will write some more later. Dodgy internet.



OMG earthquaaake…

I just felt the ground shake like crazy. I woke Bro S and T, we started freaking out saying we should run downstairs. But outside everyone was pretty normal as if they didn’t feel it. Like it happens in horror movies- you sense stuff no one else can. But yeah, it was the first time something like that happened. Its over now.

Okay right now it’s 8.15am 4 April, I’m in bed. Still no internet connection, I’m tired as but cant sleep, work must be done. I’ve been up since 6am- todays S’s lafz ceremony. Lafz was given. Our driver came at 12pm to pick us up, stopped by at Kabul City Centre (shopping centre) picked up S’s dress (indian stuff). The guy that served us is so nice, he got the dress tailored to fit my sister and he bought my brother anti-acne cream.

Anyways, then we went to my job interview. I was escorted by W to the conference room where I waited for a while. One of the other workers was passing by, he stopped over to say hello and wished me luck for the interview. Interview went extremely well, was interviewed by a german who immediately picked up my Australian accent. She said I was a ‘fantastic candidate’ because of my business expertise and academic studies. She’ll get back to me within a week.

Next stop: mama Haji’s house for the lafz ceremony. I was running late- it was 2pm and people were due at 3pm. And S was asleep when I went in. took her to the salon, did her grooming. Went back, she got dressed. Went in to say hello to the guests. Lafz took place. Presents were distributed- the only recipient was S. she got gold, American dollars and more gold. eventually, they all left.

That was that.

Ba omideh deedaar khuda negahdaar!


Kabul Coffee House

Hezar ranjo aatash o gham..naamash ishq
Hezar dardo gham wa balaah.. naamash yaar
-Rumi

My new hang out place. Went there today for another job interview, atmosphere is so cosy and comfortable. Mainly for foreigners, the only afghans there were the waiters. Dad and I had a pretty long wait, an hour. We had coffee- my first in Afghanistan. Interview went well, got offered a job as a ‘civic development’ lecturer at Kabul University. But my only concern is I HATE TEACHING. But I’ll give it a go-I want to make maximum use of myself, I’m considering working 8am-4pm at my other office (if I get the job) and 4pm-7pm at the university. Hmmm....

Until next time…
Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar.

PS My internet should be connected tomorrow. Oh yeah, got news today- grandparents are flying over from Australia within a matter of weeks. Spoke to my paternal grand dad, man was he happy to hear that S is engaged. Cant wait til he comes. My maternal grandma also arrived from Paki land today.


Not again?! Another suicide blast

Mr Suicide bomber detonated himself this morning at Darulaman, Kabul. He killed 4 instantly, one died on his way to the hospital and 5 were injured.

Left Kabul for the first time. We went to Maidan- mum’s hometown. Grandma wanted to take Nawroozi for her soon to be daughter in law (currently engaged to my uncle). A few days ago there was a crossfire between Taliban fighters and ISAF troops in Maidan. Basically, the city is full of Taliban sympathisers who are truly dedicated to their cause.

We had to cross a river through the water (bridge had collapsed due to floods a few days back). Thankfully it was a 4WD. it was an hours drive, not a nice scene at all (surprisingly!). Compared to Jalalabad and Laghman, it was very dry, plain and flat.

At my mums-brothers- in-laws place, everything was predictable. We had lunch, ladies sang around a dayra. Some ladies got up and danced while others clapped and sang along. Mum told me to dance, I told her I didn’t want to in a subtle way. She kept insisting- literally pulling me by the hand. Jesus Christ!! I don’t want to dance, just want to sit and watch- which part of that don’t they understand? Spent the whole time counting the minutes (our driver instructed us to leave at 4.30pm at the latest due to insecurity along the way). Mum and grandma ended up staying a bit longer- great, more boredom for me! Everything was in Pashto.

Finally, it was time to leave. I said my goodbyes quickly and left for the car taking the front seat. Yay! It meant hearing more jihadi stories from our driver. He told me stories about how he had fought in Maidan for one and a half years during the Soviet invasion and pointed out their tracks through the mountains which they travelled by foot.

Still no internet- DODGY AFGHAN TELECOM! Typing this on Microsoft Word. It was supposed to be connected yesterday!

There’s an engagement party tomorrow at 9am (what the?). Doubt I’ll go! I need to find a job… there’s nothing else to do here. They must have emailed me- but I got no net!

ARGH! I’m going to sign out because I’m getting F R U S T R A T E D.

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar.

Untitled
Saturday 7th April

She takes burdened steps into her new life
Her heart cries, her eyes weep
My heart had always wanted you, only you
The wounds you left me with only adds to my beauty
Like the scarred moon…
- Devdas

Ajmal Naqshbandi is still detained with the scruffy Talibans! They have issued an ultimatum which declares for the afghan government to meet their requirements by Monday otherwise they will execute Naqshbandi. I’m dying to find out more, but everything is in Dari (or even worst, Pashto!) and I still have no net. So dodgy!

The song from Devdas came on TV. I’m not a fan of indian movies but I fell in love with ‘Devdas’ when I watched it. It’s truly a classic! Anyways, the song is from the scene where it’s Parvatis final moments with her beloved Devdas before being taken away to her new husband, whom she doesn’t love. It’s all very powerful and emotional.

S and older R went to the engagement party with my grandma and yes, it was at 9am. I stayed home with mum, cooked and helped with the chores (which I HATE). Had to get some groceries for mum so I went with lil R to the shops near our place. I dread passing groups of eyes, I can feel them staring as if they have never seen girls in their entire life. or maybe it’s because they can tell we’re from ‘khaarij’ (referring to the west). as I was walking past I heard two boys talking loudly enough for me to hear, the conversation went something like this:

Guy 1- these girls are from the same place as you are
Guy 2- oh really? From Canada? Where do they live?

I didn’t hear the rest but at this point I just watned to turn around and blast them off verbally. Instead I continued walking, if I had done that- they would have taken it as though I have lead them on. YEAH RIGHT! Wishful thinking!

Rest of the day was spent serving tea, lunch, dinner, tea, tea and more tea. One of dads relatives came over proposing for his son- NOT INTERESTED, MATE! My sisters in laws came over- they came over with sweets and bought her a chunky solid gold bracelet (typical Afghan gift). We too gave them gifts.

I’m getting extremely aggravated with the dodgy internet services here. By the way, water has stopped running but electricity has been good to us. You don’t realise it, but without electricity life is dull. When the power used to return after a day of no electricity my sisters and I would jump for joy yelling, ‘YAY ELECTRICITY IS BACK!’ as if it’s a truck load of chocolates. Believe me, it’s more than that. Imagine life without electricity!

I’m looking forward to tomorrow- I’ll be seeing Kaka Sidiq at the orphanage. Bliss!

Until then…

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar!

Dreamy mood
Sunday 8 April 2007

Az roozeh ke tu rafti pareedeh rangeh shaadi.
Amma khursheed metaabeh mesleh yek roozi aadih
Chetoor haanoz parandeh daareh havayeh parwaaz
Magar khabar nadaran tu rafti az kenaram
Chera baret nagoftan bi tu che haaleh daaram.
Ba chashme khastayeh mann, Asemoon az sang shudeh.
La’nat ba een tanhayee, dilam barat tang shudeh
-Tanhayee (Persian song)

Baran mebaarad emshaab, dilam gham daarad emshaab
Araameh jaaneh khasteh ra mesparam emshab
Qatreh qatreh ashkeh chashmam mechakeh ba nam nammeh baraan

Rangeh chashmat rangeh darya seenayeh mann dashteh ghamha
Yaadem ayad zeereh baraan baa tu boodam, zireh baraan baa tu tanha
Zeereh baraan gerya kardam, bal ke barran shoyad goonah az jaanem.
- Baraan (Omid)

Emshab mikhaam mast beshaam,
Een jaaneh naqabeleh hast, hezar fadayeh tu besheh
Beyofteh zeereh qadam haat, ke khaakeh paayetu besheh

Kohneh sharaab, kohneh sharaab emshab baal o param bedi
Emshab mekham harf bezanam khandeh konam geryeh konam
Lutfee konn saaqi emshab chand barabaram bedi

Emshab parr o baal daram, shoor daram haal daram
- Omid

mmmmm..ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar...

A marriage proposal- not mine!

Let go of your worries
and be completely clear-hearted,
like the face of a mirror
that contains no images.
If you want a clear mirror,
behold yourself
and see the shameless truth,
which the mirror reflects.
If metal can be polished
to a mirror-like finish,
what polishing might the mirror
of the heart require?
Between the mirror and the heart
is this single difference:
the heart conceals secrets,
while the mirror does not. -Rumi

Cooked today! I’m starting to like it because I’m getting better at it. I cooked goolpi (cauliflower).

I also saw the first proper proposal procedure today, for my sister. The family is a very well respected and educated family- so is the guy asking for my sisters hand. It’s not tradition for the girls family to give an answer straight away, usually takes days (sometimes weeks, months or years). My sister and her potential suitor sat across each other, I sat next to my sister. My sister was too shy to even twitch so I decided to do all the talking asking typical questions which I already knew the answer to (mum and dad had told us before hand). ‘what do you study?’ ‘which year of uni are you currently in?’ ‘Is it hard?’ blah blah blah. He replied in very formal Dari, beyond my comprehension. I tuned out. He would occasionally say a few phrases in English for my understanding (Okay, my Dari may not be the best but I’m not that bad!). Very decent dude. Sisters verdict: pending (yes, I am dying of curiosity).

Also went to Ustaad Sayaafs house (dads paternal cousin, also an MP). Sat, tea served, smiled and nodded. Left. What was the point of going? Just to keep mum company.

On the way back, I realised that women should come out more. This place is suffering from male overflow. If women come out more, then maybe it won’t be so much of a ‘‘man’s world’’.

The past few days I’m feeling better about this place but I ‘lost’ a friend, a soul mate and my confidant. I’m going to miss u a lot. Hopefully, time will reveal all. Farkhunda, if you’re reading this. I miss you!

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar.

Human bomb strikes again!

''Same sh*t, different day!'' - Will Smith (Bad Boys 2)

Just when I decided to stop freaking out, another bomb goes off. A human bomb killing four and injuring his target. I heard about it on the news just before leaving the house this morning. The roads were choc a bloc, many of the roads were blocked and we were detoured.

It was exceptionally crowded, armed French and American soldiers were scattered everywhere. We were running late as it was. Dad said we should have left the house early. Outside, people were talking and shaking their heads in disappointment. You could feel the apprehension- a result of the cruel repercussion.

Soon enough, I became a witness to the aftermath terror of a human bomb. Although they had cleaned up the mess the roads were still wet, security was tight and cars were damaged by shrapnel. Some people were even crying. Our car made it’s way slowly through the scene, the police controlling traffic- risking their lives. I couldn’t think, my mouth became dry in disbelief. Shock horror. I couldn’t see the exact place where the bomb went off, journalists had crowded to take pictures. Four dead and counting. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji oon.

Suicide bomber strikes in Kabul BBC online

The bomb went off not far from the city's main bazaarA suicide bomber has struck in the Afghan capital, Kabul, in an attack apparently aimed at one of the country's
top intelligence officials.
At least four people, plus the bomber, died in the explosion near Kabul's main market, which happened during the morning rush hour, police say. The official, an intelligence service investigations chief, survived.

It is the second bomb attack to hit the capital in just over a week, after months of relative peace. The bomb went off in the centre of Kabul, not far from the city's main bazaar. The bomber struck at one of the busiest times of the day, in the morning rush hour when government workers are on the move.

The BBC's Mark Dummett in Kabul says the blast could be heard right across the city. The target appears to have been Kamaluddin Khan Achikzay, a senior investigator with the intelligence service, but he survived.

At least 12 people were injured in the attack, in addition to the civilian
bystanders who were killed. On 19 March a young Afghan man was killed when a
suicide car bomber attacked a convoy of US embassy officials in the city.
The US officials were unharmed.

Violence in south
It was the first attack of its kind inside Kabul this year, although several deadly blasts last year were blamed on the Taleban. Most attacks take place in the restive
south of the country, where the Taleban have more support and where their
conflict with Nato troops and the Kabul government is predominantly being
fought.

I was glad we hadn’t left the house early.

I sat quietly, tried thinking but I couldn’t. it wasn’t fair, why do the innocent have to die? This country still has unhealed wounds, it doesn’t need situations like this to rub salt on them. I wasn't scared, just angry.

I felt like kicking myself for forgetting to bring my camera. A little while later, a convoy of Afghan men were being transported. Where? To Nimrooz- a province in Afghanistan to battle against the Taliban. There were at least 2000 of them, once again traffic was stopped while the convoy of soldiers made their way. Young men fighting America's dirty war. So young, yet so brave. Still in shock, I stared into their eyes (stupidly) trying to sense their feelings. They were determined and focussed, some were even laughing and joking. I felt an extreme sense of pride for them. They were living proof of Afghan heroism- the same flame of courage which burned in Afghan fighters against Communism decades ago. Wilfred Owens pessimistic war poems began reciting itself in my mind. But my favourite war poem is of an English soldier, Rupert Brooke who fought in WW1.

Patriotic and proud, it goes something like this;

If I should die, think only this of me:
That there's some corner of a foreign field
That is forever England. There shall be
In that rich earth a richer dust concealed-
A dust whom England bore, shaped, made aware…
And think, this heart, all evil shed away,
A pulse in the eternal mind, no less
Gives somewhere back the thoughts by England given;
Her lights and sounds; dreams happy as her day;
And laughter, learnt of friends; and gentleness,
In hearts at peace, under an English heaven.

The show must go on.

Afghans don’t believe in traffic fines. Yep, even if they were issued- people just won’t pay them. Afghan obstinacy. People chose to park wherever they want. What’s an alternative for the police? Slash their tyres! Pretty extreme, huh?

Went to AFC (afghan substitute for KFC), I was over the moon. Finally found a fastfood store. Towards the end, when paying for the bill one of the workers had a little chat with dad. I went to listen (Afghanistan is full of surprises). Dad told me that the young guy was the owner, a young afghan who had returned to Afghanistan (from Manchester) after 16 years and opened a fastfood chain. Inspiring!

As usual, I took a few bread rolls for the little street children outside. I gently put a hand on his shoulder, just as he turned around he sighted the bread and instantly asked for it. I gave him all three as he shared it amongst the other boys. When will the day come for me to defeat my number one enemy- poverty!

Another emotional encounter happened today while we were waiting for someone in the car. A young boy, around 10 years of age stopped by our car selling tools. Dad, a supporter of education, asked the young boy if he goes to school. The boy nodded. We bought a few screwdrivers. Dad advised him to stay in school and to become someone important. The boy nodded again, barely saying a word. ‘Why the long face?’ dad asked. He replied, ‘I have a headache.’ His ripped schoolbag was on his back as he held his tools for sale. Dad gave him a huge tip ‘for staying in school’. A headache, just finished from school and working on the streets- he had it tough but he smiled in gratitude as he made his way ahead. Children of a disadvantaged war. I genuinely wished the best for him, the least I could do- for the moment!

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar…

Fereshta: I got your comment and your email. Thanks hun! I miss you heaps. Check your email and keep yourself posted on this ;) Love you lots and i miss you like crazy crazy crazy! *sings* Az tu dooram, deewana o madhooshi tu am...

Overcoming the culture shock

Culture shock and emotional constipation. Daym, the past few posts have been nothing more than mere pansy entries. Today, I managed to destroy the culture shock that I had endured (culture shock? culture shock che hast?? boro baba, da ghameh culture shock maandi).

I defered Murdoch uni - didn't have a choice really, still continuing with my other uni. I need to gather myself emotionally and get a grip of myself. No more nagging.

Yes, I managed to wield my way out of going to hamaam (public bath). As a result, spent most of the day at home alone. Did the cleaning and cooking (yep, I actually cooked). We had visitors come over in the afternoon, a proposal for my sister... wohoo!

I really want to help Afghanistan by investing in it's future. i.e the children. Since i have profound experience with the Dept of Justice in Australia and found that the system we have there for juvenile delinquents is almost perfect- at the same time it integrates well with Islamic teachings and Shariah.

In Afghanistan anyone seven years and up can be charged for a criminal offence. Currently there are some 45 juveniles aged from seven to eighteen who have been arrested and detained with adults. Seventy per cent await trial and the rest have been convicted. The national strategy, led by the Ministry of Justice (MOJ) aims to strengthen juvenile justice administration including establishing a focal point in the MOJ; set up new premises for the Kabul Youth Court and train experts on juvenile justice. The strategy includes reform of corrections' administrations for offenders as well as the establishment of a residential institution for offenders aged 15-18 in Kabul. The aim is to extend these initiatives to the provinces later.

Okay, freak-0ut moment! Just found this article (see below). Looks like I'll be dead!

Suicide bomber kills four Afghan police
Tuesday Mar 27 18:52
AEST
Disguised as an Afghan soldier, a suicide bomber blew himself up in
front of a police headquarters and killed at least four policemen in southern
Afghanistan on Tuesday, witnesses said.Several other people were wounded in the attack in Lashkar Gah, the capital of Helmand province, the main drug-producing region of Afghanistan, the world's leading heroin producer.
NATO forces have launched a major offensive in Helmand as spring
heralds the return of the fighting season.NATO and Afghan forces have killed dozens of Taliban fighters in battles in recent days.
Last year was the bloodiest since the Taliban's ouster in 2001, with 4,000 people dying.The rebels have promised to step up suicide attacks as part of a return to
conventional guerrilla attacks this year.

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar

PS Just read an article revealing that Anthony Callea's gay- i'm shattered! Why? why? why?

'I love a sunburnt country...'

I am who I am- the best of two cultures held high by the universal religion, Islam!

I finally managed to get that assignment done... yay! Submitted it online last night.Nothing major today, spent the day indoors again. Didn't study at all, my brains suffering from information overload at the moment thanks to my essay. Have to hit the books again tomorrow.



It's 12.30am and TV is on (Tolo channel, of course). All else is asleep like the rest of Afghanistan. Ahmad Zahir just came on 'bakhuda tang ast dilam, tang ast dilam, tang ast dilam' (one of my favourite songs).



Sayaf's house was raided today by Coalition forces in search of weapons and ammunition. It's funny considering he's an MP and a representative of the Karzai gov't. (I won't delve into politics! Too sleepy...)


Got nothing else to say.



I had a dream last night, all my friends were graduating university... but me! *sigh*



Oh yeah, A.A asked me today 'what about Australia?' Mate, I still call Australia home. If it weren't for Australia, I wouldn't be here today. I appreciate everything Australia has given me and it will always be my home for as long as it welcomes me. The bond that my parents have with Afghanistan, I guess I have the same bond with Australia. I grew up there, I have lived all my life there. Australia has given me the education and the expertise to help Afghanistan. It would be selfish of me if I didn't acknowledge that. Right now, I get a sick feeling in my stomach just thinking about Australia because I miss it. But Afghanistan is in desparate need of me. Australia will always be my 'sunburnt country'!

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar.

...nostalgic memories

Ahmad Zahir. Omid. University essay. Poetry. Books.

I’ve come to accept the sad fact that I have to defer university for another semester or maybe even a year *sniff sniff*. It’s really not fair. Oh well, no point nagging and whingeing. Whats done is done. I’m still doing two units at another uni though, I deferred three units.

What a waste of time, I wanted to finish this semester which is why I did seven units last semester and six the semester before. I feel like such a loser. Basically I spent the whole day chucking a sad about my studies and freaking out. Maybe I shouldn’t have come at all but that wasn’t an option.

Siblings all enrolled at school today. I stayed home.

Not much to do here, this place is tiny (I thought our city was small) but I still don’t know my way around. That’s not good because if I don’t have anything to do-
I get bored!
And when I get bored,
I start missing home and friends!

I was listening to Gokhan Ozen today and it reminded me of my car and driving on the highway. It’s tough out here. I feel like someone’s amputated my arms and legs and I can’t do anything, I don’t know why. It could be because I’m bludging around and not making use of myself- something I’m not used to. I need to find a life since I cant return to my old one.

Excuse the pessimism, I’m presently in a critical disposition so I’ll end it here.

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar.

Karzai's New Year's speech- PATHETIC!

He said, ‘you have pleaded your case but you have no witness.’
I said, ‘my tears are my witness, the pallor of my face is my proof.’
He said, ‘your witness has no credibility, your eyes are too wet to see.’ - Rumi

Went to Lesee Maryam, shopping arena. Crowded and dusty. Weather was bright and sunny. For the first time in Kabul I felt uncomfortable. Dressed in jeans and a knee length top, I received unwanted attention. I bought a black juba and wore it over my clothes. Felt so much better. Finally found Ahmad Zahir MP3s. His entire CD collection is on 2 cds. I was a happy girl.

The clothes stores were years behind in fashion. I’m paranoid now! There was NOTHING which suited my liking. I need to find a European designer store, IF they have any here. Menswear is fine, they have the latest gear for them but ladies wear is appalling. That’s not fair! I need serious help.

Electricity and power have been pretty full on- there haven’t been any blackouts or water shortage. Karzai finally decided to take some action I guess- it’s the least he could do. I found his new year speech appalling! He made no promises to the afghan people (maybe because he is incapable of fulfilling it). Karzai simply prayed for the new year to be filled with ‘rain, snow, peace and friendship with Pakistan’. Okay, lets break this down;

Rain and snow- fair enough, rain and snow bring blessing! Its all good for the Afghans who have solid built houses (including karzai himself). But what shelter will the Karzai and his ‘influential’ MP’s grant for the sixty thousand children who don’t have a roof over their heads? The widows whose husbands died in defence of their country and religion? Where’s their source of warmth?

Peace and friendship with Pakistan- okay okay, hold on a second. No one’s taken out AK 47’s and Kalashnikovs to butcher the Pakis. Are we supposed to fall to their feet? Is that ‘friendship’? also, the only friendship that needs to take place is political diplomacy between the two countries. So that includes Karzai and Musharraf (whose currently on the verge of political demise).

Hmmm…..

What about defeating corruption in the police force? The thousands of young men and women who are serving and risking their lives but are one of the lowest paid workers in the country. Maybe if he stopped overflowing the pockets of his MP’s with American dollars and provided a slight pay rise, corruption will cease.

How about employment of the illiterate (which make up an extreme amount of the afghan population), beggars, old, disabled people by building factories and bakeries? Even the illiterate are able to be of assistance and feel that they are an integral part of Afghan society.

Karzai needs to be educated. Karzai needs to take a walk down any street in Kabul and just spend thirty seconds of his precious time with a begging child. He will find that amid the thousands, hidden amongst rags and torn clothes, concealed behind a coat of dust built on their rough skin there is our future doctor, engineer, lawyer, teacher or perhaps, president. A child who holds immense potential and a thirst for education but have been deprived and silenced, these children are capable of being the pre-eminent in society, yet their status is diminutive and miniscule- compliments to their restrained financial status and Karzai’s disability to create (even a dim) glimmer of hope.

Do something, Karzai. Do something!

Anyways, I have an assignment due before Monday. I haven’t started at all. Looks like I’m going to have an all-nighter. My only source of information is internet and internet is so slow. Shoot me dead!


Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar.

Last day for celebrating Nawrooz

My life has only brought me sorrow,
Loves good and bad only taught me sorrow.
My constant companion is only pain
My entity has only bought me sorrow.

Friday's entry:

Nothing much has been happening. Yesterday, Dad and bro went out. I stayed home with the rest of family. Today (day 3 of Nawrooz) we were invited to Mama Haji’s place for lunch. I didn’t want to go because I felt bad. His wife’s health isn’t very good and she’s reaching old age. I felt it was better for them to come to our place but I just tag along with my family.

My day couldn’t start off any worst - I burnt my designer black pants that I bought from Australia and I loved to death. I was almost in tears. It was all the stupid irons fault.. It’s not electrical, the iron heats up by placing it on a gas stove and then ironing your clothes. So there’s no temperature, it just heats and heats. I made an oath never to iron my clothes until we get a proper iron.

Weather outside was great! Bright and sunny! Baaz amadi, ay jaaneh mann.. (I love warm weather).

BUT… stayed in doors again. Great!

Spent the whole day sitting (obviously on the floor-mattress, knees were killing me). Few Afghan women came and visited. It was getting repetitive. They all asked the same questions. The interrogation process goes something like this:

How long are you planning to stay?
Whose the eldest?
Is she married?
Are they ready for marriage?
Why did you come to Afghanistan?
How’s Khaarij (referring to Australia)?
How many children do you have?

AAAARGH! Please, enough!

Thankfully, mum did all the talking. I just sat and smiled. At one stage I was about to burst out laughing at one of the lady’s reaction when mum told her that she has six daughters and only one son. She slapped her face and squealed ‘WEEEEEEEEE KHUDAYAAAAAAA…’ I turned around and started laughing really hard. Couldn’t help it.

When it was their turn they told stories of their deceased husbands. Sad and depressing. Depressing because there wasn’t much I could do- at least not for now. The most I can do at the moment is sympathise.

Returned home at 10ish. Went to bed.

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar.

'I've completed two degrees minus one semester..'

All day i've been at home instead of going out as it's the second day of Nawrooz and second day of spring (so glad winter's over). It's days like this when i really miss Australia. To keep myself distracted, I tried starting on a university essay which is due on Monday but the net was too slow and information was rare. I spent the whole day searching but nothing would come up. I need a library.

I'm really concerned about my university studies, they won't organise an individual assessment for me. I don't think I'll be getting my second degree any time soon. That's a shame because this was my last semester for my second degree. I'm very disappointed. A relative told me to say 'i've completed two degrees minus one semester'. That actually makes me feel a whole lot better.

Days are so long here and it's very hard to sleep til late. Regardless of how late you sleep the night before, you just wake up early the next morning.. somehow! It's not only me that has realised this, everyone else has too. Strange!

It's 12am, don't feel like sleeping. At the same time, there isn't much to do! Can't be bothered working on my assignment because net is so dodgy.

I feel so useless, sitting at home all day. In Australia, I was always studying or working. Left home at 7.00am and got home at 5pm -6pm. Either at work or uni. Now i'm always at home! This isn't normal for me.

Anyways, I'm listening to Ahmad Zahir. His lyrics hit you right where it hurts.

Beshnaw Ay Ashena Az Dile Zaaram
Roz o Shab Naalam Ashk o Khoon Baaram
Sinaye Pur Khoon Man Ze Gham Daram

Zabanam Ra Namefahmee
Negah Ra Ham Namebenee
Ze Ashakem Be Khabar Maandi

Dil Ra Ba Daste Gham Deham Bas Shekwa Az Donya Konam
Amshab Ba Yaade Ba Yaade Isheq e To Ba Ashk e Khod Tanha Shawam
Farda Qasam Bar Jaan e Az Dard Raswayet konam

Dar aeen kunj e qafas door az gulestan sookhutam murdam
Khabar kun hai sabaa az hal e zaaram baghebaanam ra
Aia sayad rahme kon maranjanid u janam ra
Parr wa baalam bekan amma masozaan asheyaanam ra

wah wah!

Oh, I caught a glimpse of Buzkashi on TV. I wish I went. I really want to see it in real life.

Almost forgot, we had visitors again today. They come at the most unusual time (early in the morning) and without any notice. I need to get used to it, I guess it's an afghan norm.
It's been nearly a month! I can't believe I haven't made any friends in this place. I'm so glad I'm still in touch with my friends back home, they're part of me. My girls are my life!

Anyways, I'm going to leave it here because H.A goes to me today, 'It's not a novel, it's a blog'.

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar.

Happy New Year

My favouritest-est-est-est-est Afghan TV host.Most hosts are inexperienced. But Mustafa from Tolo and this other chick (don't know her name) play it pretty well...

Har roozeh taan Nawrooz, Nawroozetaan behrooz- Saaleh naw mubarak!

Omidhaa wa khushihayeh nawetan mubarak.

Bahaar amad.. Khush amadi,

naw rooz amad.. Khush amadi

Yep, AFGHAN new year (March 21)! and SPRING is HERE!!! According to UNESCO it's the year of Rumi (YAY!!!). Here are translations of a few poems by my favourite poet- Jalaladin Rumi Balkhi.

I want to be where your bare foot walks,

because maybe before you step,

you'll look at the ground.

I want that blessing.

Rumi

In your lightI learn how to love.I

n your beauty, how to make poems.

You dance inside my chest,where no one sees you,

but sometimes I do,

and that sight becomes this art (poetry).

Rumi

Celebrations very different to Australia's New Year. Approximately 2 million people gathered in Mazari Sharif at Caliph Ali's tomb (or that's what they believe).One of the best Buzkashi games took place yesterday, organised by Fahim. I REALLY wanted to go (even though it's not recommended for women! But, who cares?! It's once a year, or in my case first in my life). Un-very-fortunately, it coincided with the Nawrooz concert - Naqib Nekan and Rayhana @ Asia Hotel. They had two sessions- one for families during the day, and another for the 'bachelor' guys at 6pm. Of course, we went during the day. Concert was very different, no one danced- i'm assuming it was due to the parents' presence. Once again, Kabul surprised me. Much better than expected (even though the singers were lip syncing).

It was organised by Tolo (a TV channel owned by Melbournian Afghans), and OMG i saw my favouritest-est-est-est-est-est Afghan TV host, Mustafa. I smuggled my phone camera in there and i managed to get a bit of him on camera... until the 'cops' came in. He literally yelled at me for filming and told me that he'll confiscate my phone *blush* Mustafa was on stage, and he interrupted himself (thanks to me :()to tell everyone cameras weren't allowed. ARGH!!! *pulls out hair* how embarrasing.. hahaha (see the pic i managed to take, blurry but better than nothing ;)) my first afghan celebrity that i met hehehe

We left the hall as soon as the concert was over to prevent human and traffic jams. As usual, an Afghan guy followed me talking ENGLISH on the phone with a heavy Afghan accent. What exactly is he trying to prove? *rolls eyes*. My sisters and I made our way to the car, until my sister started screaming 'oh my god, look back...' Thinking it was the English speaking Afghan Accent dude, i refused to look anywhere but ahead until we got into the car. After getting into the car, i saw a familiar face on a mobile phone walking past the car. 'OH MY GOD... THERE'S TOLO DUDE,' I squealed. 'Duh, why do u think i told you to turn around.' My sister rolled her eyes. But she didn't mention names, she said 'he' :( but i took out my video camera and seized the Kodak moment. He knew i was filming and started acting like he was on the phone. Crack up!

Evening, we went to mums relatives place for Samanak. BUT everything was over, they had made samanak already :( At least i got to see the pot they made it in, and the long ladle.

My new years resolution? Described perfectly in one of Rumi's poems.

Who makes these changes?

I shoot an arrow right. It lands left.

I ride after a deer and find myself chased by a hog.

I plot to get what I want and end up in prison.

I dig pits to trap others and fall in.

I should be suspicious of what I want.

---

The minute I'm disappointed
I feel encouraged.
when I'm ruined
I'm healed.
When I'm quiet
and solid as the ground
Then I talk
the low tones of thunder
for everyone

Hmm.. i'm expecting the unexpected! And speaking of the unexpected, i'm pretty upset.. university isn't going too well. University won't allow me to study my units externally- comprises of tests which needs to be completed at uni. Not sure what to do, i't's my final semester!

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar!

PS if you left me a comment, i've posted a reply just below your entry :o)

OMG! Was that a bomb??

WOOOOH! I heard my first bomb blast today! Sitting with family in the lounge, all of a sudden...BANG! Few seconds later, sirens. Ambulance. And then moments later, black hawks (American military helicopters) hovered above us. I looked out the window, they were flying so low you could almost see their faces.

Day was better since my last blog entry, even though it started off pretty strange. A proposal at 8am *groan* yes, that meant wake up, prepare tea, serve tea, sit and smile as they conversed on. ARGH!!! Spare me.

Finally retrieved my Webct password (i had forgotten it..hehe) Oh my god, it took two months! Now, i'm drowning in final semester university studies in AFGHANISTAN. argh! I'm five weeks behind! Must.start.studying.

Found this poem in my sisters book she was reading, pretty good... i like!

Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless in facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain but for the heart to conquer it.
Let me not look for allies in life's battlefield but to my own strength.
Let me not crave in ancious fear to be saved but hope for the patience to win my freedom.

Grant me that i may not be a coward,
feeling your mercy in my success alone;
but let me find the grasp of your hand in my failure.

Rabindranath Tagore

Ahhh.. touching isn't it? Inspiring i must say..tehehehe..

Silence and Tears...

Hurt. Anger. Frustration. Tears. Empty. Numb. Drained. Lifeless.

My emotions for the day. I cried a lot. Got home, took a shower. Sat and thought... and thought... and thought... about nothing and everything all at once.
I spoke to Kaka B for the first time since i left Australia. As Afghans would say, goloonem porr bood. I was frozen though. I couldn't say anything. My only response was tears. The line cut sooner than expected.

I don't know if i want to stay in Afghanistan anymore. Things aren't going as planned. My intentions were to help these people, but it looks like others had already planned my trip for me.

Cousins are coming to Afghanistan for New Years Eve, should be interesting. Hope my moods alright by then. doubt it.

Haven't got anything to say. My head is blank and i feel empty and drained. Not sure what will happen. Not sure what to expect.

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar.

'Mahbobas Promise'

Wrote this a few days ago, but couldn’t be bothered posting it.

Enjoy…

Yesterday i became a witness to the cruel imposition of the Taliban . Children of a disadvantaged 'war'. An unforgettable experience, almost demoralising.

We visited 'Mahbobas Promise'- an orphanage accomodating sixty deprived children and a number of widows. Deprived of emotional, educational and basic care which every human being deserves.

From a distance the three storey sanctuary grew larger and larger as we drove closer, the middle aged gatekeeper came out via the side door to check who we were before allowing entry. His stern face broke into a friendly one as a smile spread across his face. Realising who we were, the gates opened as our 4WD made it's way inside. Little children stood and looked on.

I tried smiling, but i couldn't. I was frozen. I kept an eye open for Kaka Sidiq ( Khola Mahbobas brother) but the children were much too distracting. The car stopped in the middle of the oval as directed by the orphanage helpers. Curious to explore, i thoughtlessly stepped out of the vehicle into a puddle of mud. My white runners had now turned greenish- brown. For the first time, i didn't care. There were more important matters awaiting us. I was too 'hooked up' with this place already.

A short, young lady with a warm smile welcomed us. A whiteboard marker in her grip, I assumed she was a teacher. Little children looked intently from where they were sitting- a few metres away. The young teacher led the way as we followed her upstairs. I turned around, taking a quick glance at the group of children who stood behind us. Curiously, i followed my family upstairs. I realised that the 'men' (incorporating dad, brother and a relative) had already gone to some other room, not sure why.

The answer became known to me as we went upstairs and into the living room where other women accompanied us (segregation due to genders). Mum began conversing, starting off by asking them what position they hold in the orphanage. Gradually, it came to light who they were. Widows of the disadvantaged Taliban 'war'. Mum, who I say has a heart of rock, seemed close to tears.

One of the widows gave explicit details about the brutal death of her husband. The Taliban had demanded him to release information about the whereabouts of chief Northern Alliance leaders (Ahmad Shah Masood's party). It was obvious to the Taliban that the man hadn't information about the party as he wasn't involved. Just an excuse to beat the poor man. That's when the torture began. He was hung by his ankles from the ceiling and beaten for two hours consecutively. Finally, he was acquitted. A few days later he died. Unsure, his wife presumed it was internal bleeding. Leaving behind his wife and four children.

Moments later, Kaka Sidiq entered the room, dressed in a black leather coat over a grey jacket and black tailored trousers holding a briefcase in his hand. I stood up in his presence, smiling as we greeted each other. I was delighted to see a familiar face. Kaka Sidiq left his family (including a two month old baby) to serve the orphans of Afghanistan. He looked much younger than when I had seen him in Sydney, Australia a few years ago. Around twenty orphans filled the room quietly, finding a place on the tooshak (mattress). Kaka Sidiq and I continued with the formalities, questioning each other's welfare, then the family's welfare etc. Dad joined us a little while later.

Kaka Sidiq asked who wanted to recite a taranah (a poem that is recited in a sing-song tone). They recited wholeheartedly,

‘Mother, where are you? You left an orphan. Mother, you left me in need…’

I couldn’t take it any more! My eyes became too wet to see, I dropped my head and waited for them to finish. Every pair of eyes told a dreadful story, a horrific past.

Some of the children told their stories with no emotion. As if losing a parent was alright. Suddenly, I realised why I was in Kabul. It was for children like them. how could I be so selfish and turn away from these faces. my moral conscience would’nt allow it. Even if I did go back to Australia, I’d be sure to leave something behind and contribute somehitng. A pledge to the poor and needy. I know I’ll face many impediments along the way… what doesn’t kill me can only make me stronger.

Ba omideh deedaar, khuda negahdaar